


Forgive Me, Father

by YukiRiikus_Reading_Room



Series: Forgiveness [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel Healing, Angels, Character of Faith, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Homophobic John Winchester, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Love, M/M, Mild Kink, Priest Sam, Priests, Self-Acceptance, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Undercover Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2017-12-20 16:15:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/889283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room/pseuds/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam leaves Standford and becomes a priest after coming back from his first hunt with Dean to find his girlfriend burning on the ceiling.</p><p>Now, as Father Winchester, angels are not only watching over him, but being sent to help him keep his faith... and maybe something a little more human</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginnings

Sam Winchester grew up and defied one father and in the process found himself another one. 

When he was eighteen, he ran away to Stanford.  When he stepped off the bus onto campus, he nearly cried because for the first time in his life he felt safe.  A few days later, he made his first friend.  Brady was nice, just the right kind of person for Sam – normal and totally unaware of the things that went bump in the night, things that Sam would still be hunting if he hadn’t run away.

Deep down, he’d always felt he wasn’t cut out to be a hunter.  It was just his father’s stubbornness and domineering and the way his older brother looked at him silently like his world would break apart if Sam wasn’t it a part of it that had kept him going, kept him training.  Now, away from the Hell he’d grown up in, he felt at peace.  And then, just when he was starting to feel like he’d finally found the right direction, Brady introduced him to Jessica. 

She was simultaneously the best and worst thing that ever happened to him.  He loved her almost instantly, and it wasn’t long before they were spending most of their time outside of classes together. 

When Dean showed up at their apartment to tell him Dad had gone missing, he hadn’t hesitated to go with him to drack their father down.  For a little while, even if he would never admit it to his brother, he felt at home for the first time in a long time when the job was over.  It wasn’t until he got back home and watched his girlfriend die on the ceiling that Sam decided he needed to spend his life helping people, and not from a court room.

That was how Sam Winchester decided to become a priest and adopted God as his new Father. 

 

******

 

“So this is really the new you, huh?  This isn’t another rebellious stink to piss off Dad?”

Sam raised an eyebrow, looking up from the paperwork he’d been reviewing as Dean sauntered into his rectory office and plopped down in front of his desk.  There was something in the hollow look in his eyes and the extra tense way he was holding his jaw clenched that stopped him from chastising his brother as he put his feet up on the edge of the desk.  Mud flecked the shining surface, the only blemish in the perfectly serene office. 

“Something’s happened, hasn’t it?”  Sam asked in a quiet voice, setting aside his paperwork when Dean nodded.  “What’s got you so worried?”

“Dad says he’s got a lead on the Yellow-Eyed Demon that killed Mom.  He ditched me again to go after it on his own, left me a note that said this was something he needed to do on his own.  Closure or some shit.”  Dean mumbled, running at the back of his neck with a calloused hand.  “I don’t know whether I’m supposed to follow him like always without his blessing or back off.  I’m worried I’ll get him killed either way.  Jesus Christ…”

“Really Dean? ”  Sam said dryly, shaking his head when his brother gave him a confused look.  “I can’t ask you to change, or to act differently in front of me – to you, I’m your brother first and a man of the church second.  But, out of respect for me, could you not take that name in vein in my church, please?  Anywhere else is fair game, just… not here.” 

“Sorry, I didn’t even think about it.  I’ll… work on.  Can’t promise much though, I’m pretty set in my ways.”  Dean grinned, sliding his feet off the desk and onto the ground.

“So, did you come here to complain about Dad, or… did you actually come here for advice?”  Sam asked, not sure if broaching the subject would be a sore spot or not.  As they’d grown up, he’d quickly learned that their Father wasn’t the teaching type, and that asking for advice or instructions was a huge no-go area.  Dean had always, even when he wasn’t sure if he was right, been quick to act and follow his own judgment because of that, never stopping to ask anyone for help let alone his little brother.  Sam had been more than a little shocked when Dean had come to him asking for help tracking down Dad the first time he’d ditched him.  His older brother being here now was as rare as a double lightning strike. 

“What do you think I should do?”  Dean asked point blank, looking down at the floor avoiding his brother’s eyes.  “I’m worried no matter what I do, I’ll be wrong.”

“Dean, no matter what you do, your intentions will be pure.  Do what your gut tells you.  Either way you go, Dad will forgive you.”  Sam said softly, wincing as he saw the sheer hopeless desperation in his older brother’s face when he finally looked up at him.  “And if he gets himself killed, it won’t have been your fault no matter which path you take.  Revenge is a bloody road, and one he chose to walk down.”

“I’m not sure that really answers my question… but thanks, I guess.”  Dean said standing quickly.  Sam could tell he was disengaging himself, just like he always did when he started to feel the least bit emotional.  The walls he’d built himself for protection also kept them apart, something Sam had noticed when they were younger.  Still, his brother pulled him into a quick one armed hug before turning to leave.  “You look at home here Sammy.  You look… at peace, I guess.  Seeing you like that made this a little more bearable somehow.” 

“Dean…”  Sam said, a little stunned as he watching his brother shove his hands in his pockets and hurry off down the hallway.  He’d never seen Dean be more honest and open before.

He’d never been so glad that he’d gone into the church. 

 

******

 

Sam was just saying goodbye to some of his eldest flock members after a Sunday service when the doors opened filtering in brilliant golden sunlight and the sounds of chewing gum being popped.

“Can I help you?”  Sam asked as the couple he had been talking to hurried away at the sight of the stranger approaching.  He didn’t look particularly dangerous, maybe a little sloppy or mischievous, but Sam had seen far worse hunters as he grew up to be rattled now. 

“I’m looking for a Father Winchester.”  He said, his voice holding a barely contained laugh back.  Sam raised an eyebrow, unzipping the jacket he’s just put on to reveal his collar.  “Ah, I seem to have found him – YOU.  Good.”

“What exactly do you want with me?”  He asked, a confusing pit growing in his stomach that he didn’t understand as he looked into the man’s golden whiskey colored eyes. 

“I was sent to assist you.”  He grinned, offering Sam a hand.  “The name’s Gabe.”

As soon as their fingers touched, Sam knew: things were never going to be the same. 

 

 


	2. Life with Gabriel

“Father Winchester, could I speak to you a moment?”

Sam looked up from where he was sitting annotating his sermon for Sunday’s service, nodding to the middle-aged woman standing in the doorway looking nervous.  She smiled in relief, shutting the door quietly behind her before sitting opposite him.  Marking his page, he set aside his Bible and notes before turning to face his organ player, Olivia. 

When Sam had taken over the church, Olivia had become his crutch while he was getting settled.  She’d been coming to this same church her entire life, and had taken over the task of playing the pipe organ on Wednesday and Sunday services from her grandmother when she’d died.  She’d be instrumental in getting Sam comfortable with his new job, doing everything from covertly supplying Sam with the correct names of the parishioners he was less familiar with or who came to church less religiously, to keeping him up to date with the various charitable functions occurring in the city that the church might want to donate or lend a hand with.  She’s quickly become his right hand woman, and had just as much a handle on running the day to day goings on at the church as he did. 

Generally, she was the picture of kindness and cheer, something that made the sour, worried look on her face almost alarming.

“What’s troubling you?”  Sam asked at once, reaching across the desk to take one of her weathered hands in his own.  “It’s not Thomas or Ed, is it?” 

“Oh no, my husband’s doing just fine, and little Tommy is away at Penn State looking into the football program this weekend with a few of his friends who are also thinking of going there.”  She said with a gentle smile, patting his hand.  “No, what’s worrying me is that stranger that showed up at the last service.”

Nodding in understanding, Sam let go of her hand and stood to make himself a cup of tea, offering one to Olivia who declined.  He’d known that this conversation was going to happen sooner or later.  After all, he’d basically hired someone on without even consulting her, something he’d never done before.  This church was as much her home as it was his, and the idea that some stranger was edging in without her knowledge, he knew, was no doubt weighing on her heavily. 

“Is there something wrong with Gabriel, dear?”  He asked, dropping a spoonful of honey into his tea to melt before heading back to his desk and sitting down.  “Has he been unhelpful, or rude to any of our parishioners?”

“Not that I’ve seen, no, and he does whatever I ask him to without complaint.”  She said slowly, the worried look in her eyes growing with each word she spoke.  “Oh, I don’t want to seem suspicious, but don’t you think its rather odd that he just showed up out of no where telling us he’d been sent to assist you?  I know he said he’d been sent by St. Martha’s priest, and he did have that letter on him to prove it, but I know Father Edgar and its odd he didn’t just call you in the first place before sending along someone to work under you.  Don’t you find this all a little off, Father?”

“Well, not to be cliché, but they do say the Lord works in mysterious ways.”  Sam said with a small smile, his grin widening when a begrudging smile slipped onto Olivia’s face in spite of her worry.  “Look, I know it’s strange, but until I’m given a reason to doubt Gabriel, I believe it’s for the best to have faith that he was sent to us for a purpose.  So far he’s been very helpful with fixing things around here and cleaning up, not to mention he’s the first person I’ve met who could fix that busted pipe on the organ.  Just… try to give him a chance.  If things don’t work out, we can always request that he be sent back to St. Martha’s.  Okay?” 

“Alright Father, as in all things I trust your judgment.”

“Thank you Olivia, your confidence in me means the world to me.”  He smiled, taking a long sip of his drink.  “Now, it’s been a long couple of days for all of us.  Why don’t you go home early and get some rest?  We can get to work on organizing the mission trip to Haiti tomorrow.”

“Are you sure, Father?  It’s just passed midday, I could stay longer if you needed me to.”  She said, her usual levels of cheer seeping back into her voice as she stood up. 

“No, that’s alright.  You deserve a nice break.”  He smiled, waving at her as she nodded and walked out of his office to collect her coat.  Taking a deep breath he smiled into the rim of his cup, taking another sip before clearing his throat and looking expectantly at the door.  “You know, eavesdropping isn’t really something we encourage around here.”

“Sorry, couldn’t help myself.”  Gabriel grinned sticking his head around the door.  Sam gestured for him to take Olivia’s vacated seat, the other man pausing on the doorstep looking briefly concerned.  “I’m not in trouble, am I?” 

“Should you be?”  The priest said, hiding his smile with his cup when Gabriel started to get flustered, wringing his hands. 

“Look, I know I shouldn’t have listened in, but that cheery lady’s been riding my ass watching me like a hawk since I got here even though I’ve done nothing wrong.”  He said in a rush, leaning back against the doorframe crossing his arms defensively over his chest.  Even though he was clearly worried, Sam couldn’t help but notice how he still looked on the verge of smiling, his strange golden eyes flashing with some sort of private humor or mischief, he couldn’t tell which.  “I figured she was coming to complain about me, and I just wanted to know what I’d done to get her so riled up, that’s all.” 

“Gabriel, please, calm down.”  Sam said with a laugh.  “You’re not in trouble, clearly.  I was only teasing you.” 

“Oh, well that’s a relief then.”  He said with a grin, visibly calming.  “So, I gathered from what I overheard that she thinks I’m sketchy.”

“She’s just used to things being done a certain way is all.  Though, yes, I agree with her that it is strange that you were sent to us without anyone thinking to contact us about it first.  This church has been run for so long by just the residing priest and Olivia, or her grandmother before her, that it was a bit of a shock to be sent someone.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m anyone special.  Mostly I was just sent here to play handy man and groundskeeper, since you’re one of the older churches it was assumed there would be some upkeep problems that might need taken into account.”  He shrugged, pulling a sucker out of his pocket and unwrapping it under Sam’s curious gaze.  “Did you mean what you said before?  You know, about me being here for a purpose?”

“I’m a man of the church, so yes, I suppose I did.  I’m meant to have faith and inspire it in others, though it’s much more than that.”  He said with a soft smile, turning to pick up his notes to continue editing his sermon.  “I’d like to believe deep down that everyone has good intentions, even if sometimes they aren’t easy to see.”    

“Whatever you say Padre.”  Gabe grinned, shoving off the doorframe.  “I’m going to get back to fixing that leaking roof if you need me.”

“Oh, before you go?”  Sam asked, Gabriel turning back to him with a questioning look on his face.  “If you wouldn’t mind, could you try to keep a better hold on your candy wrappers?  I found a smile pile of them stuck to the carpet behind the alter yesterday.”

“Whoops, sorry sir.”  He said as his face turned bright red, running a hand nervously through his hair.  “I’ll try to do better from now on.”

“That’s all I can ask of you.  Thank you Gabriel.”

 

*                                              *                                                    *

 

For the rest of the day, Sam puttered around his office preparing his sermons and checking over the church accounts, signing checks to local charities and ready through the newspapers to see if there was any causes in the community that deserves his immediate attention.  It was well passed dark by the time he decided to head home to his small, two bedroom apartment humming to himself as he locked all the doors and windows on his way out. 

As he was checking for stray candy wrappers Gabriel might have missed, he found the handyman himself stretched out asleep across the back pew. 

“Gabriel, it’s time to head home, wake up.”   Sam said gently, reaching down to shake him awake.  Gabriel swatted at his hands with a whine, rolling over onto his side nearly falling onto the floor in the process.  “C’mon, you can sleep when you get home.”

“Don’t got one, I’ve been sleeping here.” 

Sam blinked, unsure at first that he’d heard him right.  But when he glanced back down at the handyman, it was to find him looking up at him with those curious, almost luminescent eyes.  His face betrayed no lie, his eyes deadly serious as Sam perched on the back of the pew in front of him watching him carefully. 

“You’re homeless?”  Sam asked, raising an eyebrow when Gabriel gave a halfhearted shrug. 

“Well, I wouldn’t call it that… temporarily misplaced and without a roof, maybe.”  He said with a grin, the humor leaving his face when Sam didn’t smile along.  Sighing he ran a hand over the back of his neck staring down at the floor so he didn’t have to meet the priest’s eyes.  “It’s not a big deal, really.  I wandered a lot before I ended up at St. Martha’s, so it’s not really anything new.”

“Still, whether it’s a new situation or not… please, let me help you out.”  Sam said slowly, reaching out to rest a hand on Gabriel’s shoulder.  Golden eyes stared up at him curiously, the ghost of a smile hanging at the edges of his mouth.  “Come home with me.”

“Pretty brazen offer there, Father.  Still, you’re attractive, and I’ve definitely done worse.”  Gabriel grinned, Sam turning bright red as he realized how his words had sounded. 

“No!  Oh my… I meant to sleep in the guest room, not to… not that there’s anything wrong with… but I didn’t mean… Gabriel, you’re teasing me, aren’t you?”  Sam asked, smiling in spite of himself when Gabriel burst out laughing.

“Consider it payback for teasing me earlier.”  He grinned.  “Still… you’re really asking me to come stay with you?  You don’t know anything about me.”

“I know you do exceptional work here in a house of God, and that you’ve never been anything but pleasant.  Besides, I have to have faith in people, remember?”

Gabriel said nothing, staring down at his hands as if warring with himself over what to do. 

“So, will you come with me?  There’s food, and an actual bed.  It’s not much, but it’s what I have to offer right now.”  Sam asked, standing up and collecting his keys to finish locking up.  Gabriel watched him for a second, finally nodding and standing up himself to follow him.  “Good.  Alright then, let’s head home.” 


	3. When Morning Comes

Sam pulled his car into the assigned parking space for his apartment, tapping his steering wheel trying to figure out what to do about the sleeping man in his passenger seat.  Before now, he’d really never taken much time to look at Gabriel, but now that he did, it filled him with an overwhelming sadness.  The poor man looked absolutely ragged, his face bearing the strains of restfulness hard earned from where he slept with his head slung in the curve of his seat belt.  His clothes were threadbare in places, small holes dotting the edge near the hem of his t-shit.

Watching him sleep, knowing how hard Gabriel worked to keep their old, long largely uncared-for church in working condition, Sam didn’t have the heart to wake him. 

Taking a deep breathe he hurried around the car, opening Gabriel’s door as quietly as he could.  Once that was done, he paused, unsure if this was really what he wanted to do.  Sure, it had seemed like a nice idea at the time, but now faced with leaning over the other man to unhook his seat belt not to mention carrying him up to his apartment and somehow managing to unlock the door, maneuver him through the door and hall without bashing his head against something, and safely deposit him in the guest bed, he was beginning to lose his nerve.  Still, as Gabriel sighed in his sleep and shifted, a small smile crossing his face, Sam knew what he had to do. 

Carefully leaning across the other man, he slowly unclicked the passenger seat belt, going pale when Gabriel shifted as he tried to pull it over him.  He froze, waiting until he was sure he was still asleep before pulling it the rest of the way.  That done, he glanced over his shoulder at his door, slipping the ring of his keys over his thumb so that he wouldn’t have to finagle them out of his pocket once he’d already picked up the other man. 

Sam knew he couldn’t put this off much longer.  Summoning up all his determination, he gingerly worked his arms under and around Gabriel in a way that would make him easier to carry, a sad pang shooting through the young priest as he remembered a time he’d once carried Jess like this a few weeks before she’d been killed.  Pushing it from his mind he hurried to his door, finding himself pleasantly surprised when the door wasn’t as hard to unlock as he’d assumed it would be while carrying someone else. 

A few minutes of careful maneuvering through the front door and down the hall later, and Sam had deposited a still thankfully sleeping Gabriel into the guest room.  Too tired to do much else, he kicked off his shoes and lay down in bed, still wearing his clothes and priest’s collar.

 

*                                  *                                  *

 

Gabriel was dreaming of Heaven just before he woke and, opening his eyes to the sundrenched guest room ceiling, for a second he could have sworn that was where he’d woken up. 

His shoulder blades ached from the mere memory of wings, the reminders of how it had felt to soar through the skies of Earth haunting his dreams no matter what he did.  He never would have assumed that he of all people would be nostalgic for home, but the more time he spent with Father Winchester, the more he found himself wishing he could reveal his identity if only so he could manifest his wings.  It had been so long since he’d had to have them hidden; it was agony to do it day in and day out.

He’d almost rejected Sam’s offer of a real bed just so that he’d be able to have a few hours’ time alone in the church so that he could stretch them and work out the matted feathers.  Angels went a little stir-crazy when the kept themselves from the skies for too long.  Still, he’d been tasked with helping Sam Winchester keep his faith in tact by his Father, and what better way than to let the priest do whatever little charity he thought he needed to do?

Crawling out of bed, Gabriel glanced into the hallway, raising an eyebrow at what he saw.  The entire apartment looked clean and proper, almost like those show homes or model apartments real estate agents show prospective buyers when they’re searching for a place of their own.  Striding into the living room he frowned, confused when he looked around and saw little to no personal looking objects lying around.  For a young man in his early twenties, Sam sure seemed put together far beyond his years. 

From somewhere else in the apartment he heard a groan, raising an eyebrow when only silence followed it. 

Intrigued, he headed back down the narrow hallway towards the other two doors, quickly dismissing the open door to the dark, quiet bathroom.  Peeking around the door to the master bedroom, Gabriel frowned at what he saw.  Sam, still fully dressed, seemed to be caught in the throes of a terribly nightmare.  Sweat clung to his forehead as he tossed and turned, groaning out small choked noises whenever the plastic collar he’d forgotten to taken off before sleeping caught on the sheet and tugged painfully away from his neck.  Even from where he stood in the doorway, Gabriel could see the skin of his throat had been rubbed red and raw in places. 

Unable to help himself, Gabriel manifested his wings and went to the distressed human, carefully laying a hand on the young priest’s forehead.  Sam stiffened slightly before he finally went calm and still as the touch of the angel’s hand chased away his nightmares and memories, Gabriel smiling to himself as he loosened he collar from his neck and placed it on the side table out of the way.  Reaching down he placed his other hand on Sam’s neck, willing the redness and pain to recede from the human’s neck until it finally did.

It wasn’t until he pulled his hand back and looked back up that he realized Sam was awake underneath him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for how long this took to post (and that its short - but I'm getting super tired, and I didn't want to make you guys wait any longer for a chapter...)!
> 
> I went out of the State on vacation, and then when I got back everyone wanted to come over and hear about my trip before they had to go back to college, so the last bunch of weeks has been truly insane. 
> 
> So, hopefully I'll have a longer, better chapter 4 for you all sometime soon. I have another chapter fic going right now that also DESPERATELY needs an update, so I'll be alternating back and forth between this fic and that one for a while until one of them finds an organic place to end. Anyway, hope you liked this chapter, and I hope to have another up soon!


	4. Reality and Dreams

A brilliant, panicked white noise filled the angel’s brain as he looked down at the man who’s faith he’d come to bolster looking up at him with a shock so pure he almost laughed out of the fear he felt rising within him.

He had never meant for Sam to find out who he really was.  At least, not this soon.

Gabriel’s hands pulled back slightly, hovering in midair as though he didn’t quite know what to do with them now that he’d been caught in such a strange position.  They latched eyes, deep golden whiskey staring down into the bright, confused eyes of the young priest lying under the peculiar pressing weight on top of him. 

“Are those wings?...”

“No,” Gabe said quickly, shaking his head in panic as Sam started to sit up under him reaching a hand out to touch them.  Just as his fingers touched feathers, Gabriel’s arm snapped forward instinctively pressing three fingers above the priest’s eyebrows.  Sam stared up at him for a fraction of a second, conscious and confused, before sleep overtook him again.  “Why didn’t I just do that in the first place?  Shit.  What now?”

 

*                                  *                                  *

 

When Sam finally woke up, it was much later in the day than he’d expected when he glanced over at the clock perched on the edge of his nightstand.  Usually he made a point of getting up before eight, but today he was surprised to find it was almost noon. 

“What happened last night?”  He muttered to himself, running a hand through his hair as he struggled to remember the day before and what might have messed up his usual routine.  Vaguely at the back of his mind he remembered flames and screams at the edges of his dreams, nightmares that had been eclipsed by pleasant silence and a cool, comforting white of an emotionless dream following a familiar heartache.  He remembered a quiet day at church, getting ready to leave that evening and finding… Gabriel.

Gabriel, trying to sleep on a pew after admitting he was homeless, who’d been so kind to everyone and so helpful to him keeping the church in pristine working order without ever asking him or anyone else for anything but a little trust that he was there for the right reasons.  Gabriel, who he’d offered to let come home with him out of charity, only to be teased with a joke about… well, he couldn’t think about that without blushing.  Without, also, thinking of doing the same with his Jess so long ago, who he always looked back on with a certain sense of sadness, longing, and fond remembrance.  And here was Gabriel, wielding candy wrappers and well-meaning genuine smiles actually filling his days with the satisfaction of seeing his beloved church become so much better than it had been, along with a feeling so akin to the happiness he’d once chased at college.  The same man he’d carried sleeping into his home without barely a second though to how it would look to the neighbors if they happened to pull back their curtains and see him just because he hadn’t wanted to wake someone who worked so hard and looked so peaceful in sleep. 

Gabriel, who he’d woken up to sitting on top and over him in his bed only a few hours ago.  Who had pulled the plastic collar he was forever falling asleep with still on accidentally off of him before touching his neck like a lover would.  The pain had gone instantly, the familiar chaffing of skin rubbed wrong by a hard edge replaced with a light, beautiful soothed feeling.

Gabriel, who’d been wreathed in his vision by a pair of spectacular golden wings.

Shooting bolt upright in bed he jerked his head to stare at the door as if he was worried Gabriel might be standing there watching at him, and was confused when he felt something almost like disappointment when he found the doorway empty.  Sitting up he reached for his neck, checking if the collar was still there, swallowing hard when he found it wasn’t.  A quick glance at the nightstand confirmed that it was, in fact, where he remembered it being placed with gentle hands that weren’t his.  Gentle hands that touched him with such kindness, such wonderful and unnecessary affection that he’d never expected to receive from anyone again after losing Jessica.  Something stirred in the pit of his stomach that wasn’t entirely uncomfortable, though his brain still struggled to get itself the image of Gabriel sitting atop him with wing outstretched behind him glowing in the morning sunlight filtering in through the blinds not fully shut over his window. 

Unable to stand the weight of his suspicions any longer, Sam got out of bed and crept quietly through his apartment stopping outside the door of his guest room.  It was cracked open, the young priest pausing for a moment on the threshold to collect himself before knocking and pushing the door open. 

It was empty, the room in perfect working order and bed impeccably made. 

“I didn’t dream all of this, did I?”  Sam muttered to himself, pausing beside the bed to touch the tightly tucked in coverlet as he wracked his mind for the smallest detail that would betray his memory as a dream. 

Unsure of what else to do, Sam turned to go to the kitchen and make himself a cup of tea to calm his rattled nerves while he contemplated calling his brother to ask him to make sure his apartment wasn’t being haunted by something that could be messing with his head.  Not watching where he was going in the slightest with how deeply he was buried in his own jumbled thoughts, he walked right into Gabriel’s back where he stood at the stove making scrambled eggs and toast.  The other man turned as he stumbled back, instinctively reaching out and grabbing him tightly by the upper parts of his arms to hold the other young man steady. 

“Gabriel!”  Sam said in surprise, swallowing against the lump that formed in his throat as the slightly older man looked down at him with steady, unwavering eyes.  “I was beginning to think…”

“What, that I’d slipped out in the night without a thank you after how perfectly generous you were inviting me to stay with you?  I’d never.”  He grinned gently down at the blushing young man, pushing his host out of the kitchen towards his small dining room table set by the window.  Sam sat down, watching as his guest turned back to the stove after shooting him another of those peculiarly honest smiles of his.  “I thought as a thank you for giving me a much nicer place to sleep than that hard wooden bench that I’d make us some breakfast while you slept in.  I was trying very hard to be quiet, but I tend to sing when I cook, and I kept finding myself whistling instead to fight the silence.  I hope I didn’t wake you?”

“No, you didn’t.”  Sam said with a small smile of his own.  He sat quietly looking over the latest chapter of the book he had been reading the day before, looking up to take the plate Gabriel offered him a few minutes later when he joined him at the table.

“Is there anything that needs done around the church today?”  Gabriel asked, carefully piling his eggs onto his piece of buttered toast with his fork.  

“Actually, I won’t be going in today.”  Sam said, glancing up from his own breakfast to find Gabe giving him a strange look he couldn’t quite place.  Looking down again he cleared his throat, sighing.  “I try my best to stay active in the community and with local charities, so today I’m heading over to the children’s hospital to drop off the toys collected in our toy drive for the cancer wing children and to read to some of them for a few hours.  After that, I’m heading over to the local senior citizen center to bake cookies with their baking club and then provide transportation for them to take their cookies to the orphanage in the next town over.  If I can get everything done in good time I hope to stop off at the store to check on the state of the local Girl Scout’s canned food drive and drop off the cans the congregation collected to donate to them over the last two weeks, but that might have to wait until tomorrow depending on how everything else goes today.  That and I’m sure you noticed when you went to make breakfast, but I need to pick up some groceries.” 

“Is anyone going to the hospital with you to help out?”  He asked, raising an eyebrow when Sam shook his head.  “Huh.  That seems odd.” 

“It’s hard to get the congregation to help with charity and good works during the week.  They all have jobs and families to look after, which I understand.  Since there’s not much for me to do during the week until Wednesday or Sunday for masses, I try to spend as much time as possible either taking care of affairs at the church with Olivia or out trying to make people’s lives better in whatever small ways I can.” 

“That’s very admirable of you Father.  My only concern would be that if you keep doing everything on your own you might a little too thin.”  Gabe said, the concern in his voice making Sam blush.  Glancing cautiously up at the other man the young priest smiled gently, clearing his throat and looking away when Gabriel’s grin widened.  “In that case would you like some company today, at the very least?”

“You want to come with me?”  Sam asked, grinning when the other man nodded.

“Sure, why not?  I’m sure the church won’t fall down if I’m not there for one day, and it sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate to handle all on your own.”  He said, wiping his mouth on a napkin before getting up from the table and taking both of them empty plates into the kitchen to rinse them before putting them into the already half full dishwasher.  “Besides I’m only here to be of service to you, remember?  I can help out however you need me to.” 

That was how Sam found himself a little over an hour later at the children’s hospital reading Curious George picture books to sick children while Gabriel sat across the room putting on a truly adorable and ridiculous puppet show about an elephant who wanted to learn to fly by flapping his ears.  Several times Sam found himself watching Gabriel between the children selecting books, a small smile gracing his face every time that the other man looked over at him and waved whether he had a puppet on his hand or not.  The nurses standing on guard in case any of the children needed their help were baffled by the pair, but clearly approved of how happy the children were spending time with the two strange young men.  It amused Sam how well he got along with the children, a few of the girls roping Gabriel into sitting on the ground in front of their wheelchairs so they that they could braid his slightly shaggy hair or put it into small pigtails.  By the time their two hours were over and the children had to return to their rooms for treatments and doses of their medications, Gabriel had made promises to almost all of them to come back and play with them next week with Sam. 

Gabriel made friends just as easily at the senior center, the louder and more outgoing women latching onto him right away.  Sam smiled watching them gab over him as he got down their mixing bowls and bags of flour for them, pinching his cheeks and patting his head affectionately when he completed a task one of them gave to him.  By the end of the afternoon they’d made almost six dozen various cookies and delivered them to very grateful children across town, Gabriel even surprising the girls by pulling the van over at an ice cream parlor and buying everyone a cone for the trip home as a treat.  He refused to let Sam help him pay for them, and carefully took down everyone’s order and brought it back out to the van for them accepting only the happy smiles of the elderly women as payment.  By the time they dropped the ladies back at the center Sam was starting to feel worn out, but couldn’t help but be spurred to finish their work for the day with the energetic, happy way that Gabriel bounded back to his car to move on to the next task. 

They hurried over to the store getting there just as the Girl Scouts were preparing to leave, their troop leader thanking them profusely when she saw the three boxes full of canned goods taking up every inch of Sam’s trunk space.  With Gabriel’s help, they moved the boxes from his car to the troop’s van, smiling at the young girls who hugged them in thanks for their help in making sure their charity drive was successful.

“Welp, time to do some shopping, right?”  Gabriel asked, raising an eyebrow when Sam shook his head turning back towards his car.  “I thought you needed groceries.”

“I do, but it’s nearly seven o’clock and we haven’t eaten since the finger sandwiches back at the senior center they gave us while we were baking.  I’m too tired right now to even think about shopping, let alone cook.”  Sam sighed, both of them slipping into his car.  As he started the car he looked over at Gabriel.  “If you want something, I can stop off and get you whatever you want.”

“You don’t have to do that…”

“Consider it a thank you for helping out today.”  Sam grinned as he pulled out onto the highway.  “It was… nice to have company today.  I’m used to doing these things on my own every week.  It was much easier getting things done today with an extra set of hands to help out.”

“Are you getting yourself something?”  Gabriel asked, raising an eyebrow when Sam didn’t respond at once.  “So you want to feed me and not yourself?”

“I don’t usually eat more than one or twice a day.”  Sam said quietly, clearing his throat when Gabriel continued to stare at him.  “Seriously, I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” 

“What?”  As they pulled up to a stoplight Sam turned to look at him in surprise, swallowing at the intensity in his companion’s face. 

“You don’t have to pretend with me, Sam.  I know you mean well, and that it’s probably a great comfort to your parishioners to see you as this strong, capable young priest who’s always on the go doing good works.  I can tell how much they love you.  So many of them stay after services just to talk to you, and they all value your advice and trust your judgment enough to seek your counsel often.”  Gabriel said staring straight ahead at the road in front of them.  Sam swallowed again against the lump in his throat that had formed as the other man praised him.  “You’re inspirational, believe me, but you have to take care of yourself too.  I haven’t been here very long but I can tell you’re running yourself ragged.” 

“…Is it that obvious?”  Sam asked quietly, sighing in relief when he glanced up to see Gabriel shaking his head. 

“No, I’m just very good at reading people, that’s all.”  Gabe smiled.  “Now, about that dinner…”

 

*                                  *                                  *

 

Throughout the whole next three and a half weeks or so, Sam found himself watching Gabriel out of the corner of his eye whenever the other man was in the same room as him.  At first he worried what Olivia would think if she caught him staring, but over time the worry faded as his curiosity about the other man continued to grow.  Even though they’d comfortably settled into living together, he never ceased to find small ways to surprise him with some new facet of his personality.  Just the day before Gabriel had gone from quietly humming to himself while he cooked themselves dinner to singing full-fledged and very beautiful Italian opera at the top of his lungs.

Sometimes Sam couldn’t believe how well the pair of them had settled into his apartment together or how happy it made him to come home after being the last to leave the church to find dinner waiting for him on the table and whatever music Gabriel felt like playing softly resonating through the apartment soothing him after a long day.

Almost immediately Gabriel had taken on doing the bulk of the cooking which Sam appreciated greatly.  At the end of the day, the last thing he usually felt like doing was fixing food.  Though he hadn’t admitted it, eating more regular meals had done wonders for his health.  Sam didn’t find himself nearly as ragged tired at the end of the day, not even when he’d spent it running around after children or ferrying chatty old women back and forth for the senior center. 

Sam’s only concern was the budding feelings he felt growing in the pit of his stomach subtly every time Gabriel smiled at him. 

He didn’t mind so much that he was finding himself falling for another man, and didn’t have any objections to relationships of that sort.  The problem he was having was reconciling his new affections with the way he’d felt about Jess before she died, and that he wasn’t entirely sure how Gabriel felt about him.

Recently there had been many gentle intimate moments between them at their apartment, whether it be a look that lingered a little too long between the two of them or one of the millions of the gentle caresses to his shoulders or back that Gabriel gave him when he leaned over to read something over Sam’s shoulder or brushed passed him in the cramped kitchen to get something off a shelf.  Sam couldn’t deny the way that Gabriel often made him feel:  flushed, disoriented, and happy.  Occasionally he could have sworn he saw desire or even love in those golden eyes he’d come to adore so much, but without any word from the other man to back them up, Sam worried he might be reading too much into things, that his loneliness had finally concocted a made up romance to keep him from feeling pathetic and unwanted. 

In moments when he found himself wishing after Gabriel, longing or even fantasying about him, Jessica often popped into his mind.  His gut wrenched in pain in those moments remembering how much he loved her and realized how very alike his feelings for Gabriel were.  He’d once believed she was the only person in the world that would ever love him so completely and make him feel so perfectly at home. 

And now, with Gabriel, he had that feeling again.

He hated how much to made him doubt what he’d had before, how he sometimes felt like he was doing wrong by his first love by even daring to think of someone else, let along find himself longing or lusting after anyone as intensely as he found himself looking after Gabriel. 

After nearly a month, he couldn’t take it much more: the doubt, the indecision, the worries and the uncertainty that anything he was feeling was real or returned.  Steeling himself outside his front door after a long day at the church, Sam prepared to do something he’d been avoiding, he knew, for far too long: confronting Gabriel to ask him if he cared for him at all, or if he’d made it all up in his head.   


	5. Accidents Can Happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY (Please see the end notes if you want to read the full apology/reason(s) for my absence) and that this is so short after such a long absence, but I'm pressed for time and also got a chapter out on another fic today that I had a more solid path for than this one.
> 
> Now I will be getting back to regular content and updates on this, my other Sabriel story 'Do I Need a Reason?', and my Avengers at Hogwarts fic 'Gold and Silver, Red and Green'
> 
> Happy Reading!!!

This was the night, he knew as he crossed the parking lot, that he would tell Gabriel how he felt. And, no matter what happened, he knew it was the right thing to do. He’d taken a chance on Jessica so many years ago, and even though that had ended in flames and tears, he knew it was worth the risk to be able to call Gabriel his.

He just needed to find out how Gabe felt about him.

Sam opened the door to his apartment warily, completely unprepared to deal with the unusual silence and darkness that met him when he opened the door. Flipping on the lights he paced the small apartment several times before he could really believe that Gabriel wasn’t there to greet him with dinner and a smile like usual. His few possessions were still sprawled around his room in what Sam had come to realize was the closest thing Gabriel could be to tidiness, so he at least knew that his friend hadn’t up and left him without any word, but rather than setting him at ease it merely put him more on edge.

He should have definitely been home by now. Surely he would have taken a break from the boiler problems by now and returned home? Or had he lost track of time maybe?

Not sure what else to do, Sam started putting away the groceries Gabriel had asked him to pick up on his way home today from the senior center. It was the first time they hadn’t been able to go together in weeks, but both of them agreed that the ailing boiler at the church needed Gabriel’s attention more than Sam needed his company for just one day. Looking around the silent apartment so devoid of its usual life, he couldn’t help but wonder if a few chilly days in the rectory might have been worth Gabriel being with him.

He was just about to pick up the phone and call his office phone to see if Gabriel was still there when it rang.

“Hello?”

_“Oh goodness, Sam!”_

“Olivia? What… what’s wrong?” Sam leaned back against a counter, his forehead wrinkling at the sheer panic he heard in her voice. She almost never called him at home, and if she was now, it meant something truly terrible must have happened.

_“I’m so sorry, there was so much going on I couldn’t get ahold of you any sooner, and I just…”_

“Calm down, it’s going to be alright. What’s going on?”

_“Oh, there’s been an accident! I’m at the hospital right now, you need to get down here.”_

“It wasn’t Ed was it? The doctor’s cleared him last Wednesday I thought? Is it Thomas, did something happen up at school?” Sam rambled, hurried throwing the last few groceries in the fridge before running out into the hall to find his jacket and shoes.

_“It was… well, it was Gabriel.”_

Sam nearly dropped the phone, his shoulder colliding with the wall as he lost his footing in shock. His breathing constricted in his chest at the wild assumptions flying through his brain.

_“Sam?”_

“Sorry… I just… what happened?” Sam asked desperately, trying to keep the worry out of his voice. Slipping on his shoes he hurriedly slid out of his apartment and locked the door, running towards his car without caring about the noise he was making and whether his neighbors might complain to him about it later. “Never mind, you can tell me when I get there. Which hospital?”

_“St. Christians Medical on Fourth.”_

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

 

*      *      *      *      *

 

“How are you feeling?”

“Hmm?” Gabriel blinked his eyes open wearily, smiling softly when his eyes landed on Sam sitting worried on the edge of his bed. Lifting his hand shakily, his heartbeat picking up slightly when the other man immediately reached out to grasp it in both of his own. “I figured she’d get a hold of you eventually. I told her to go home so her husband wouldn’t worry, but she wouldn’t budge.”

“Olivia? Yes, I just sent her home to get some sleep. She’s been watching over you all afternoon before I got here.” Sam said softly, rubbing at the back of his friend’s injured hand careful to avoid the IV. “She told me what you did.”

“It was nothing.” Gabriel said humbly, blushing when Sam raised an eyebrow at him in disbelief.

“You shoved her out of the way of a car headed right for her. That drunk driver would have flattened her. You saved her life, Gabriel.” Sam said reverently, his eyes filling with emotion as he glanced down at his battered… whatever Gabriel was to him now. And to think earlier today, his main worry had been how to tell Gabriel how he felt when he got home from his charity work. That thought bubbled in his throat now, the original worries feeling to be miles and miles away now after Olivia’s passionate and thankful retelling of how the man she had once doubted had saved her life without a moment’s hesitation. “When she called me… God, I almost stopped breathing.”

“Hey now, what was it you’re always telling your brother about taking the Lord’s name in vain?” Gabe asked, starting to laugh at the look on Sam’s face but ending up coughing instead. The young priest hurriedly got him a glass of water, the tenseness in his face reflected in the lines of his shoulders. “Calm down, I’ll be fine.”

“That’s what the doctor’s said when I talked to them earlier.” Sam said softly, setting the glass back onto the table when Gabriel was done with it. “They said they can’t believe how fast you’re recovering. Almost like it’s a miracle, one said.”

“What can I say, maybe I’m just blessed.”

“It wouldn’t surprise me.” Sam smiled, his face going red as he picked Gabriel’s hand back up. “I know… my life’s certainly felt pretty blessed since you walked into it.”

“Sam… do you mean..?”

“Now’s not the time or the place to have this conversation.” He said quietly, not looking at Gabriel as he spoke. “When we get home… if you still feel comfortable living with me…”

“Of course I do.” Gabe interrupted him firmly, smiling at the mildly surprised look on the priest’s face when he looked up quickly. “I know exactly what I want to say. But, if you’d rather wait till we get to OUR home to talk about it, that’s fine. I can wait as long as I have to.”

They held hands in silence until Gabriel fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY, AGAIN, FOR MY ABSENCE!
> 
> I have so many reasons for my sabbatical. First, there were several computer problems including the death of my first laptop, the shittness of its replacement, the lack of internet for a YEAR, and then the setting up of the current desktop model that is very very good (thank goodness). Then there were a mass of personal issues - a best friend went through a tragedy and I dropped everything to be at their side for support, there was some family drama for me and my boyfriend, and two romantic entanglements that got messy for a few months as it was decided who wanted to be with whom and if anyone was breaking up (so messy...). Lastly, work. I've been promoted and stretched to my breaking point with overtime and under-staffing and the changing of upper management.
> 
> Finally though, I believe I have figured out how best to transverse my new life and everything is starting to settle down. As I said, I will be back to regular content and updates. Thanks for sticking around :)


	6. Shame

“This really isn’t necessary.”

“Welp, you can either use the wheelchair or have me carry you. Either way you’re not walking so pick your poison.”

Gabriel let out an melodramatic sigh, frowning when he realized there was nothing he could do to convince Sam that he was fit enough to walk. Then again, he got hit by a car yesterday full force, and if he had been a normal mortal he knew he would have died almost instantaneously. He shouldn’t have been surprised that Sam was insistent on taking care of him even though he didn’t need it, but it embarrassed him slightly all the same.

“I don’t understand WHY – ”

“Look, just get used to the idea that I’m going to be overbearing and showering you with attention for a while.” Sam said, cutting Gabriel off with a wide smile. “I know YOU say you’re fine, and the doctors are stumped as to how you’ve recovered so fast, but just to be on the safe side I’m going to make sure you take it easy for a while until I think you’re okay to be up on your feet again. Now, let’s get you into the wheelchair and inside, okay?”

“I thought you said I had another option?” Gabe grinned slyly, laughing when Sam turned bright pink and glanced around the parking lot. He’d noticed that while the priest had been fine holding his hand at the hospital when no one was around and that he was quick to sit close enough to him at home so their legs would touch, he didn’t seem to like the idea of anyone seeing him being affectionate with Gabriel. Part of him was slightly put out by that, because he personally didn’t care if anyone saw or thought anything about their budding relationship, but he knew humans had certain hang ups about that sort of thing. Considering how open minded and kind Sam had always been with his LGBTQA parishioners, it seemed out of character to be so shy about being seen with Gabe, but eventually he knew he’d find an underlying reason. “C’mon, I don’t want to look like an invalid. Just pick me up.”

“You’re worried a wheelchair after getting in an accident will make you look bad, but that some guy carrying you won’t look weird?” Sam asked, sighing when Gabriel shook his head almost instantly. “Alright…”

Though he agreed, Sam took a long few minutes to put the wheelchair away, long enough that Gabriel was beginning to lose his nerve about trying to gently push Sam’s boundaries.

“If you’re worried about what your neighbors will think… I can use the wheelchair. I’d be ashamed to be seen with me too.” Gabe said, wincing at the pathetic, sad note in his voice he’d meant to keep out of it but had been unable to. The young priest shot straight up from where he was bent shoving the wheelchair back into the trunk of his car, shutting it with a snap and hurrying around to the passenger side of the car with single minded determination plastered on his face. “Sorry, that was rude of me. I shouldn’t complain when you’re already being so nice to me and letting me live with you when you don’t have to.”

“No, I should be the one to apologize. I don’t want you to ever think I’m embarrassed or ashamed to be seen with you.” Sam said, carefully lifting Gabriel up into his arms just as he had that first night when he’d brought him in sleeping and first deposited him in his guest room. Nudging the door shut with his hip, the young priest started towards the apartment with his head held high, blushing slightly and hurrying his pace when his elderly female neighbor Miss Wimple opened her door right as they passed.

“Oh, Father Winchester!”

“Yes?” He said, turning to look at her trying to pretend his face wasn’t bright red. Gabriel was torn between feeling Sam’s embarrassment and trying very hard not to laugh, settling for hiding his face in his companion’s shoulder so as not to make the situation worse.

“I just wanted to say thank you for bring my mail in for me the other day when it was raining, you know how much trouble I have with my old bones when the weather’s acting up.” She grinned, patting his arm fondly before shutting and locking her door on her way out. After a few steps she turned to give him a wink, gesturing to Gabriel. “Also, congratulations on finding such a cute boyfriend.”

“Uh… thank… you?” Sam said, glancing down at Gabriel’s face mere inches from his own. When the other didn’t seem put out by her statement Sam looked back up, clearing his throat. “Yes, thank you.”

“Have a good day boys!”

“Oh, we will.” Gabriel called after her, smiling when Sam blushed again before heading hurriedly towards their own door.

“Okay, shall I set you on the couch’ or would you rather stretch out in your room?” Sam asked, Gabriel noticing but not commenting on how he’d obviously skirted the word bed.

“My room is fine, my back feels a little too tense for sitting up right now.” Gabe fibbed.

“Okay, whatever you need.” Sam carried him to bed, his face getting progressively more and more red the closer they got. When it came time to set him down, Sam’s hands shook so much that Gabriel was slightly surprised that he got him down onto the comforter without dropping him. “Finally home. Do you need anything else right now, or would you like me to leave you be so you can rest?”

“How about we talk about what you said at the hospital?”

“Oh… okay.” Sam said, swallowing against the rising lump in his throat. He crossed then uncrossed his arms nervously, not looking at Gabriel as he shifted from foot to foot on the stop. His clear discomfort was starting to make the other man worry he’d made the wrong choice in bringing this up so soon. “I know… you said you knew what you wanted to say already, so… let’s get this over with.”

“Why do you assume what I have to say is bad, that this is something to ‘get over with’? Why can’t it be a good thing?” Gabriel asked, patting the edge of the bed. Sam hesitated a moment before sitting down, still not looking at where the angel lay sprawled out comfortably beside him watching him intently. “Do you really have such a hard time believing someone could want you back, that I could want you back?”

“I… what?” His head shot up, a glazed look crossing over his eyes as he turned to look at Gabe’s smiling face. “You want me back?”

“Of course I do! I thought that was obvious, but I guess maybe not.” Gabe smiled, reaching out to rest a hand on Sam’s knee. “I’ve had a crush on you from the moment you carried me inside so I could keep sleeping. I’ll admit, I never thought it would amount to much seeing as you’re a priest and all, but I’m not going to look at gift horse in the mouth, especially when it’s offering a happiness I never thought I’d have.”

“Are you sure I’m what you want?” Sam asked, glancing up in time to see a surprised look flit across his companion’s face. “I know… I have a hard time being close with you in public.”

“I understand.”

"No, you don’t, but it’s okay. I’m going to try and work on it, for you.” Sam smiled taking Gabe’s hand and squeezing it gently. “I never want you to think I don’t want to be seen with you or that I’m somehow embarrassed of what we’re becoming to one another. Nothing in the world could make me more proud than to call you my own.”

“I love you.” Gabriel said softly, his eyes filling with tears. Leaning forward, Sam pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, hovering close to his face as he next spoke, his breath tickling the other’s neck.

“I love you too.”

 

*      *      *      *      *

 

Nothing was ever quite the same as it had been from that moment onwards.

For a week and a half, Sam would barely let Gabriel out of bed. He insisted on doing all the cooking, which thought it wasn’t half bad, both of them knew was nowhere near on point with the skills Gabriel possessed in the kitchen. Thought he was going slightly stir-crazy being left at home all day since the priest pointedly refused to let him come back to the church because he knew he’d ‘overdo it’ if he went back to work right away, he had to admit it was nice to stay in bed all day – especially if it meant Sam was sharing it with him. They’d only shared a few innocent kisses here and there, Gabriel respecting the unspoken fact that Sam would need things to progress at a very slow rate. If anything, it made every kiss taste sweeter, never knowing when Sam’s defenses and self-consciousness would drop enough to allow another one to take place. As long as the priest was willing to cuddle him and hold his hand, he figured he was winning either way.

By the time Gabriel was allowed to come back to work at the church, everyone had been told of what he’d done to end up in the hospital. Olivia and her husband showered Gabriel in praise every single time either one of them saw him, the entire congregation pulling together to throw a potluck dinner in his honor. It was only after Sam asked everyone to act more normally around his partner because the attention was making him embarrassed that things started to calm down on the ‘local hero and handyman’ front. Olivia never really stopped singing his praises, but it was much easier for Gabriel to deal with than a whole congregation always clapping him on the back and stopping to tell him he was hero and a saint.

After that, things started to fall into a comfortable routine for the pair.

But, one Sunday after a service was ending and the pair were standing outside holding hands and sharing some last words with a few people, an imposing black Impala pulled up outside the church that had Sam sucking his breath in through his teeth in blatant worry. Glancing at the car, Gabriel watched an older man climbing out, a stern look on his face as he caught sight of Gabriel and Sam holding hands, the priest quickly letting go and talking a step away from him.

“Gabriel, would you mind going back inside? I don’t think I want you to see this reunion.” San said quickly turning to give his partner a pleasing look when he didn’t move immediately. “Please just trust me.”

“Not when you’re clearly terrified, I’m not leaving you to deal with this on your own.” Gabriel said, frowning when Sam’s panic increased at his answer. “…Fine, but first you have to tell me who that is.”

“You're about to understand why I'm shy with you in public.  He’s my father.”


	7. Father, Oh Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this one gets a little... rough. I tried to tone it down as much as I could without sacrificing anything important to where I want the story to go, so some cruelty by John was necessary. Just a heads up in case anyone is overly sensitive to that and would like warning.

When he was eight years old, Sam Winchester was given his first gun by his father.

It wasn’t anything particularly special if you knew anything about weaponry, but to an eight year old it might as well have been an atomic bomb resting under his pillow when he struggled to fall asleep at night. It wasn’t fear that had his mind reeling – he’d been raised in motel rooms strewn with weapons after all, it was no wonder he’d become desensitized to the horror inlaid in their metal intrinsically – but a lack of comprehension. He didn’t understand why he’d been given a tool of violence at such a young age, but he had already learned not to question any decision of this father made. After a while, he got used to it, the weight of it under his pillow becoming a comforting presence rather than a disconcerting one. It helped that Dean took time out of arcade games and trying to sneak porn out of gas stations to teach him how to take it apart and put it back together, even going so far as to take him out to shoot cans in back alleys so he could learn to aim.

At age ten, he’d learned the family business. Dean had been against telling him, but he had, and after that moment so many doors had opened up for Sam that he barely had time to tell which way he was turning as he reeled through them all trying to learn everything all at once. John Winchester might not have been much of a father, but he was one hell of a teacher when it came to the supernatural and how to fight them. Within a year, Sam was more academically in the know about things that went bump in the night than most hunters twice his age. It would be another two years about John dragged him out on a hunt, and by then he not to bother being afraid – it wouldn’t stop you from dying, fearing death, so there was no point.

At thirteen, he found out just how violent a man his father could be. He’d known John wasn’t a gentle man, that he wasn’t often kind, and he knew that after all his father had been through it would be insane to assume he’d have walked away unscarred and fully able to love as openly as he had before his wife’s death. He’d seen him on hunts – the savagery that revenge fueled through him. But it wasn’t until he caught him hitting Dean for no reason at all other than unfortunately walking in when John was already six drinks in that Sam realized there might be something more wrong with his father than grief. Dean acted like nothing had happened, but over time he’d come to recognize the hollow look in his brother’s eyes that meant John had been abusive when Sam was out of the room or at school. He tried to glue himself to Dean’s side after that, but that only pushed his older brother away – it would be years before Sam would realize his brother had been trying to protect him, hoping to lead the anger away and fully onto himself. 

There wasn’t much his life hadn’t prepared him for, hadn’t taught him not to fear. Most of the things he’d faced by the time he ran away to Standford would have sent most people running for sanctuary or off the edge of the nearest cliff. After finding his faith, there was almost nothing that truly scared him anymore, the gaps in his desensitivity to violence and horror filled with belief in an overarching plan for his life. There was only really one thing that could make Father Sam Winchester quake in fear.

And that man was currently striding across the grass in front of his church headed straight for him looking like murder was the one thought on his mind.

“Dad, it’s good to see you–”

“Don’t even start that shit with me, boy.” John snapped, Sam looking around quickly to make sure the last remaining dregs of his congregation had left. Thankfully, the last few remaining people were across the parking lot climbing talking next to their cars as they prepared to leave, hopefully far enough out of hearing range in case things got as nasty as Sam was beginning to worry they would. “Who the fuck was that?”

“That’s none of your business.” Sam said, trying to show more confidence than he felt in his right to tell his father to keep out of the particulars of his private life. John raised an eyebrow at him but didn’t speak right away, though the tick going in his jaw spoke loudly of how close he was to exploding. “Why don’t you just tell me why you’re here so we can get this over with?”

“I finally managed to work it out of Dean where you’ve been hiding since you left and figured I should stop by and see you. It’s been what, almost three years now since you broke apart our family?” John snapped, smirking when his youngest son winced at his accusations. 

“You know that’s not what I wanted.” Sam sighed, staring down at his feet as he spoke. He didn’t know Gabriel was just inside the church watching him through the window, frowning. “You’re the one that said if I left for college not to bother coming back.”

“Well after what I saw when I showed up here today, I know I made the damn right choice in telling you that.” He said slowly, his gruff voice grating on his son’s nerves just as much if not more than his words did. “I never would have pegged you for a queer. I know I certainly didn’t raise you to be a sissy.”

“Dad…”

“You should be ashamed of yourself. I know your mother would be, and your so-called God certainly is. I can’t speak for your dipshit brother, that idiot would go to hell and back for you and still think the sun shone out of your ass, but that just shows what he knows.” John snapped, Sam glancing back at the church in shame. He caught Gabriel’s eye, struggling against the lump he felt rising in his throat at his father’s harsh words. If nothing else Sam Winchester refused to cry now – he wasn’t going to give John the satisfaction. “Jesus Christ, and you call yourself a man of the church? It’s wrong, Sammy, and you know it. That’s why you send your shit ugly lover away as soon as I showed up, isn’t it? Anyone with eyes could tell you’re ashamed of him.”

Gabriel could have sworn he saw the exact moment that Sam stopped being afraid of his father. Maybe it was the line of his shoulders as the tension held there suddenly changed from weariness to fury, or the way his hand balled up into fists at his sides as he squared off against his father.

“You can’t control me anymore Dad. I’m not thirteen anymore. You can’t get drunk and beat up my brother to make me do whatever you want or scare me away from what I want to do. You can’t hold Mom’s death over my head to make me feel bad about myself, and you certainly can’t show up at my church to tell me that you think I’m going against God.” Sam snapped back, John momentarily losing his hard edge under the weight of his son’s sudden fury, his face betraying shock before setting back into a rage even more murderous than it had been when he first showed up and found his son holding hands with another man. 

“I don’t know what the dick you’re dating has been saying to you, but –”

“Don’t you dare say anything bad about Gabriel to me! You don’t even know him, so don’t you dare make any fucking stereotypical remarks. I know you’re just trying to piss me off, and guess what? You’ve succeeded.” Sam snapped, pointing a finger back at the church. “Let me tell you a little bit about the man you’re talking about. Gabriel is the best thing that I’ve ever had in my life. Other than Jessica and Dean, he’s the only person who’s ever truly believed in me and what I wanted to do with my life. He loves me unconditionally, and understands that I have some hang ups because of YOU terrorizing us growing up about being showy in public. Fuck, I can barely hold his hand in front of people because of you, but he doesn’t push me and he knows that it doesn’t mean I don’t care about him. No matter what you think of him, he’s the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time, and I will defend him if you try to say anything otherwise. Gabriel’s a gift from God, whether you can see that or not, and even if I don’t always know how to show it I’m grateful every single damn day that he walked into my life.”

“He’s really done a number on you hasn’t he?” John said, his hands balling into fists in his coat pockets. Even though it made him nervous, Sam was now too far invested to back down, and strangely found he had the courage for the first time in his life to stand up to his father. Inside the church, Gabe said a short prayer for his priest, biting his lip as he continued to watch. “Sammy, you’re better than this. I can’t believe how disappointed I am in you right now.”

“I’ve never thought more clearly in my life, actually. It’s all starting to make sense to me now that I’m actually not afraid to have this out with you anymore.” Sam laughed, running a hand through his hair. “My whole life I’ve been afraid of admitting to myself that I like men as well as women because I was worried about how you would react. Worse than that, I didn’t want to disappoint you. I wanted you to be proud of me, because you’re my father.”

“I’ll never be proud of you as long as you –”

“I wasn’t finished yet.” Sam interrupted, frowning up at his father. From inside, Gabriel punched his first into the air in triumph for his partner sticking up for himself. Still, he warily watched John’s face, the worry in the pit of his stomach boiling higher and higher the more confident Sam became. “I don’t expect you to understand, and I certainly don’t expect you to approve of my choices – I don’t care if you do or not. Finally, after everything I’ve been through, I’ve realized just how shit of a father you were, and that I don’t owe you fucking anything. It doesn’t matter to me now if you’re never proud of me. There are people in my life who love me and will accept me no matter who I love. I’m done hiding who I love because of the close-minded fear you forced me and Dean to grow up under. If you’ll excuse me I’m going to go inside and tell my boyfriend I love him. Now, get out of my life and don’t come back until you can accept me the way I am.”

For a moment, John was so still and silent for the first time in his life that Sam actually thought he might have gotten through to his father’s hardened heart.

The next minute, he trying to stem the blood flowing from his now broken nose.

When Sam next looked up from where he’d fallen to his knees in shock, it was to find his father trying to wrestle away from a very, very angry Gabriel. From the looks of it they’d both gotten in a few good punches before he’d come back into himself and noticed what was going on around him. Jumping to his feet he rushed to pull them apart, hissing when his father caught him by the hair and dragged him between himself and his attacker. Gabriel immediately backed off, standing a safe distance away watching carefully in case he needed to spring into action again.

“For an asshole, you have a good punch I’ll give you that. Have fun with your little bitch. I don’t think we’ll be seeing each other around, ever. Have fun explaining how your boyfriend beat me up to your brother, Sammy.” John smirked, shoving his son into Gabriel who immediately opened his arms and cradled him close to his chest. They watched together as John drove off, the remaining skid marks on the concrete as he sped away soon the only sign that he’d been there to ruin their afternoon. 

“Are you alright Sammy?” Gabriel asked softly, carefully maneuvering them both down to sit in the grass half in each other’s laps as the adrenalin tapered off and they both started shaking in the aftershock of what had happened. “God, I think he broke your nose. That fucking… Jesus, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Sam sighed, leaning back into his boyfriend’s shoulder closing his eyes.

“If he hadn’t seen me holding your hand though…”

“It’s better this way, trust me. Now it’s finally out there in the open, it’s over.” Sam said with a small smile, tilting his face up to kiss the underside of Gabe’s chin. “Thank you for standing up for me.”

“I couldn’t just stand by after he hit you and do nothing. I love you, remember? That means I do whatever it takes to make you happy and keep you safe, even if that means punching someone much bigger and stronger than me.” Gabe smiled, squeezing the priest’s shoulders gently. 

“Damn, he can really pack a wallop though. I’m going to be feeling that in the morning, let me tell you.” 

“Why don’t we go home and get some ice on those?” Sam said, reaching up tenderly to touch some of the worse bruising that was already starting to pool under the surface of his skin. “Look at you, my knight in shining armor came to my rescue.”

“Next time I hope I have time to stretch first.” Gabe laughed, helping Sam to his feet. 

“I’ll try to give you advanced notice next time I mean to get myself beat up, don’t worry.” Sam rolled his eyes, dusting himself off. “Let me just lock up the building and we can head home, okay? I know I… wait, did you jump out the window?” 

“Well I was rather pressed for time, and it was so much easier to just jump into the rose bushes than worry about running through the halls to the front door.” Gabe said sheepishly, rubbing a hand at the back of his neck as Sam stared at the open window and the ruffled bushes. “I can come back tomorrow and sort the bushes out, I promise, there shouldn’t be any real damage to them.”

“I don’t care about the bushes.” Sam smiled, turning to pull his boyfriend into a searing kiss. By the time they pulled apart, both of them were breathless and gleeful, their fingers tightly interlocked. “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve someone as wonderful as you in my life, but I know I won’t even refuse to show you how I feel out of fear again after this. I love you so much Gabriel.”

“I love you too, Sammy. Now let’s go home and find some ice packs.”


	8. Meet The Family

Sam had been laughing to myself for the last two hours quietly, watching Gabriel alternate between trying to clean the already spotless apartment and watching the door intently if any sound came from the hallway. On the one hand, seeing Gabriel so nervous was highly amusing, if only because he was usually the calmer, more laidback of the two of them. On the other hand, he knew his boyfriend had every right to be so worried.

After all, today he was meeting Dean for the first time.

“Are you sure this is enough beer? Maybe I should go and get some more before he gets here? Yeah, I think I’ll do that.” Gabe rambled, fumbling at the coat rack for his jacket and the keys to Sam’s car. Choking back a laugh, Sam gently took the coat from his boyfriend’s hands putting it back on the hook. Gabriel looked up at him in clear panic, absently chewing on his upper lip as Sam led him back over to the couch and pushed him down onto it. He stood in front of him with one hand on his hip, the other held out, waiting. After a few seconds Gabriel slowly set his keys back into his hand, jiggling his leg nervously as he watched Sam shove them in his pocket before joining him on the couch. “If you think I won’t dig through your pants to get those keys, you’re wrong, I’ll do it.”

“No, you won’t. We’re going to sit here together quietly until Dean shows up, okay? Trust me, it’ll be fine.” Smiling reassuringly he took Gabe’s face between his hands pressing a gentle kiss to his lips before pulling back to stare deeply into his eye. In the last week or so since meeting his father, Gabriel had been so wonderful and reassuring as Sam finished letting go of his relationship with John, always being there to talk if he needed it or just holding his hand when he got that certain look in his eyes that meant he was thinking about what had happened. But they had moved passed it, and agreed to call Dean and see if he wanted to meet Gabriel for himself, which he readily agreed to. Something in his brother’s voice when they spoke had reassured him that this meeting would go much better’ though Gabriel was still reasonably worried about it. Sam had been doing his best to assuage those fears, but so far to no avail. “I get it, last time you met someone from my family, it came to blows. But that won’t happen this time. Dean’s a much better person than our father, and he’s much easier to get along with.”

“I certainly hope so.” “Gabriel sighed, resting his forehead against Sam’s. “I don’t really want to make a habit out of punching members of your family.”

“That’s certainly good to hear.”

Gabriel jumped up as Dean entered the room, smirking as he dropped his duffle bag onto the ground by the dining room table before turning to Sam and opening his arms. Immediately rushing into them the two brothers hugged and laughed, clapping each other on the back and talking over each other excitedly in that way only close family can when they haven’t seen each other in far too long. Finally pulling back, Sam turning to wave a hand at his boyfriend to come over and join them in the dining room.

“Dean, this is my boyfriend Gabriel. Gabe, this is my older brother.” Sam smiled, gesturing between the two of them.

“So, this is the guy who punched Dad in the face.” Dean said, Gabriel swallowing reflexively as he came him the once over before turning his head to raise an eyebrow at Sam. There was a tense moment where even Sam started to worry Dean might take a swing at one of them before the older hunter turned back and stuck out his hand to Gabriel, who shook it quickly looking slightly stunned. “Well, if he makes you happy and he can throw a good enough punch to get the drop on our bastard of an old man, more power to you both. Welcome to the family, Gabe.”

After that, things went much smoother than even Sam could have predicted. Between Dean complimenting Gabriel’s burgers nonstop and the conversation about cars over beer wile Sam cleaned up and did the dishes, it was clear they were going to get along just fine. Near the end of the night, Dean glanced at the guest room slyly, turning to give his brother a knowing look as Gabriel went back to the kitchen for some more beers.

“I’d assumed I’d be in the guest room, but from the look of things, I’m beginning to think it’s more likely I’ll be on the couch tonight. What’s that all about?” Dean asked quietly, laughing when his brother sputtered and turned red. “Seriously, you two have been dating for how long now and you don’t even share a bed? He sleeps in the guest room? Are you two… do you guys even HAVE sex, or what?”

“Keep your voice down! What if he hears you?!” Sam hissed, hiding his face in his hands when that just made his brother laugh louder. “Look, not that it’s any of your business, but no, we don’t. Gabriel respects the fact that I’m just not… there yet, you know? It’s not like I ever dared even think about other men while Dad was around, and then I was with Jessica so there was never really a point to think about it, and now that I can freely allow myself to feel how I do about Gabriel it’s just a little overwhelming. I don’t expect the self-proclaimed Sex God to understand –“

“Hey, that is NOT self-proclaimed. Walk into any bar from here to New York and ask about me, you’ll see what I mean. They call me that in at least two hundred bars across the country. Blows whatever fucking cover I’ve got worked out back in my face sometimes, but hey, I’d say it’s worth it.” Dean said defensively, punching his brother in the shoulder lightly. “But seriously, I get it. This is new territory and you want to take it slow, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“That… actually sounds like you DO understand.” Sam said suspiciously, eyeing his brother like he’d just grown an extra head. “…What aren’t you telling me?”

“I… might… have hung up the Sex God title. Well, the sleeping around part of it anyways, I’ll always be a deity in the bedroom.” Dean smirked, Sam rolling his eyes at his brother’s boasting. Glancing sideways at his brother he took a deep breath, rubbing at the back of his neck nervously. “But I’ve uh… met someone in the last few months. Settled down, I guess. Not in the traditional sense since they come on hunts with me, but the principle is the same.

“Seriously? You’ve become Mr. Monogamy?” Sam asked, raising an eyebrow when Dean nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me before when I called? That’s great Dean! I have to meet this mystery woman. Who is she? You bring her on hunts with you? How does Dad feel about that?”

“Woah, chill out with the twenty questions, give me a chance to answer.” Dean said, frowning at the expectant look on his brother’s face. “God, is it really that unlikely for me to have found someone who wants to stay with me?”

“No. but it is shocking that YOU found someone you liked enough to stick around for. Admit it, you’ve never been a second-date type of guy. We weren’t raised for commitments.” Sam said, shaking his head at his brother’s frown. “Seriously though, I’m proud of you, and so thrilled. Is it serious? I mean, it has to be if you’re bringing her with you. I can’t believe Dad went along with that!”

“He, uh… he didn’t. I’m on my own now. Well, with my partner, but not with Dad. He threw a fit and left me the car, then said he’d see me in Hell or some shit, you know how he is.” Dean said quietly, not looking at his brother as he spoke. Of the two of them, Dean had always looked up to their father more, aspiring to be just like him. Sam knew it had to have been an even bigger blow to Dean than it had been to him to lose his father’s love. “It was a blow losing Dad, but I can’t take it back now, and I wouldn’t want to. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret anything. It’s worth it though every single day I wake up next to Cas.”

“So her name is Cas?”

“Well…”

There was suddenly a knock at the door, Sam raising an eyebrow at his brother as he stood up.

“I hope it’s alright, but I figured you’d want to meet Cas after we talked, so… well, now’s your chance.” Dean trailed off, staring at Sam pleadingly. He stood up at once, a big smile on his face as he headed to the door with Dean.

Sam opened the door expecting to see some blond bombshell or a hardened, badass huntress. When he instead saw a windswept, attractive man who looked like a harmless accountant, he almost choked on his tongue. Glancing at his brother, he swallowed a laugh when Dean nodded and made room for ‘Cas’ to enter the apartment, Sam shutting the door behind him.

“Sammy, this is my boyfriend, Castiel.” Dean said awkwardly. Sam didn’t miss Dean slipping his hand into the trench coat pocket alongside the other man’s hand, nor the comforting squeeze Castiel gave his brother’s fingers in return. “Cas, this is my younger brother, Sam.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Sam.” Castiel said, holding out his hand a little stiffly. Sam shook it, glancing back at the kitchen wondering just where Gabriel had gotten off to – he knew his boyfriend would have LOVED this. “So, Dean tells me you used to be a hunter too?”

“I was, but I gave it up to be a priest.” Sam said, watching the interactions between his brother and the other man carefully. There was clearly a deep bond there, there was no mistake about that. It was such a surprise though, Sam could barely believe it. “How long have you been hunting?”

“Just since I met Dean a few months ago, I’m still rather hopeless at it.” Cas said humbly, allowing Dean to help him out of his coat as he spoke.

“Nonsense, you’re a great soldier. We’ll get you up to snuff on everything else as we go along.” Dean reassured his boyfriend, patting him on the shoulder. “Seriously, you should see him in action sometime, he can be such a pro in the field. Still a little confused about the aliases and keeping up appearances with the local feds, but he’ll get the hang of it.”

“I’m sure he will if he’s got you as a teacher. Dean taught me everything I know.” Sam said fondly, gesturing for Castiel to take a seat on the couch. “Wow, this is just… Dean didn’t tell me you were coming, I’m just a little surprised still I guess.”

“He wanted to tell you, but I thought maybe given the circumstances, you might think he was giving you a hard time or being an asshole after what happened with your father last week. Besides, we figured Dean liking other men was unbelievable enough on its own.” Castiel said, Dean shifting uncomfortable beside him. They shared a long look, Cas leaning his forehead against Dean’s temple as if to reassure him everything was fine. “I know about Dean’s past… uh, ‘relations’, so seeing him with me is probably a little hard to believe. We thought it would be better for you to just meet me yourself.”

“As long as you make him happy, I couldn’t be happier.”Sam smiled, glancing back at the kitchen. “Now where has my boyfriend gone is the question?”

“Sorry, coming! I was just finishing up dessert and got sidetracked.” Gabe said from the kitchen, striding out a minute later carrying a pie. He took one look at the couch and promptly dropped it on the floor, the pie place smashing against the tile. “Oh fuck…”

“Gabriel?”

“Castiel?”

“You two know each other?” Sam asked, glancing at his brother for guidance but finding an eqy shocked look on his face. “How?”

“Uh…”

“Well…”

“What is it, Cas?” Dean asked suddenly, taking his boyfriend’s hand protectively. Castiel stared wide-eyed at Gabriel as if unsure how to respond.

“We… used to date?”

“Can I speak with you in the other room, please?” Castiel asked, letting go of Dean’s hand and dragging Gabriel into the other room by the hem of his shirt. Sam started after them, then down at the ruined pie all over his floor, before glancing back at his brother.

“So… that just won most surprising part of the evening by far.” Sam sighed, stepping over the mess to flop down on the couch next to his brother, who looked just as shell-shocked as he did. “Did you know any idea?”

“That my boyfriend and your boyfriend had boned? No, none.” Dean sighed, rubbing at his face distractedly. “This is uh… special.”

“You can say that again."

 

*       *      *      *      *

 

“Why would you say we were dating?!” Castiel hissed, smacking a hand against the wall of the guest room. Gabriel paced beside him looking panicked, pulling at his hair. “There were so many better things to say!”

“Like what?” He whined.

“That we used to work together, or that we were brothers, or distant cousins maybe? Anything but what you DID say, basically!” Cas sighed, dropping down to sit on the edge of the bed.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I panicked. I had no idea you were even sent out on a mission, let alone in the area.” Gabriel sighed. “What do we do now?”

“Pretend we used to date and don’t get caught in any lies?” Castiel suggested, both of them frowning. “I haven’t even told Dean what I am, I’m not ready to deal with the who.”

“Same.”

“I guess… we pretend we dated then.”

“And just when I thought things were finally uncomplicated.” “Good to see you too Gabriel.”


	9. Do I Know You

“They’ve been in there a really long time.”

“Yeah, and?” “Should one of us… go check on them?”

“Jesus, how the fuck should I know?” Dean sighed angrily, slamming a fist down onto the arm of the couch in frustration. Though he didn’t necessarily care for his brother’s outburst, he couldn’t say he blamed him in the least for it after the last half an hour. He was still mildly in shock himself from finding out their boyfriends used to date. “I can’t believe they dated.”

“I wish I could say the same.” Sam sighed, running a hand through his hair. His brother shot him a confused look but didn’t speak up, clearly worried about his sudden change in demeanor. “I just… I guess I never thought about how much I don’t know about Gabriel’s past. I mean, I haven’t known him that long, and I’ve definitely dated girls knowing less about them than I do now about Gabe, but I never even thought about… you know, exes.”

“I feel you, believe me. Cas is the first person I even bothered trying to get to know before sleeping with them, and I still didn’t have a fucking clue about who he dated before me.” Dean sighed, blinking wearily up at the ceiling. “God I miss one night stands right now. They’re so much less complicated.”

“No, you don’t.” Sam laughed nudging his brother with his shoulder. “Anyone can see how clearly head over heels you are for Cas.”

“Well when you’re right, you’re right.” Dean smiled sadly. “Now if I just knew for sure if he feels the same way about me, I’d be able to sleep easy at night.”

 

*      *      *      *      *

 

“Should we go back out there?” Gabriel sighed, speech muffled from the blankets he was lying face down in across the bed.

“It can’t look good to them, us being alone together for so long after you blurted out we used to date. I mean, think what it looks like.” Castiel sighed, standing up and straightening his tie. “We need to go back out there and salvage this evening.”

“How?”

“I wish I knew for sure. You realize we’ve created a reason for them to not trust us, right?”

“I know. I wasn’t thinking about that when I said what I did, I just wanted Sam to stop looking at me like that. It made my heart hurt.” Gabriel said as he sat up, taking the hand his friend extended to him to help him off the bed.

“Hopefully he knows you well enough to understand you would never intentionally cause him pain. And hopefully, Dean knows me just as well.” Cas smiled gently, reaching for the doorknob. “Oh, and Gabriel?”

“Yeah?”

“This time, let me do the talking.”

 

*      *      *       *      *

 

“There you boys are, we were just starting to worry if we needed to send in a rescue party after you.” Dean said, wincing at how bitter his tone came across when Castiel stopped dead in his tracks like he’d been smacked in the face. Gabriel nudged him forward, shooting Dean a scathing look when he thought the human wasn’t looking.

No one spoke, everyone avoiding eye contact with their partners looking worriedly at their brother or friend for support and some sort of validation. As the minutes stretched on, it became clear to the angels that there was no salvaging the evening, the brothers beginning to worry if they’d still have boyfriends when the morning came around or if their desire for their family to share in their happiness had lost them their loves to one another.

“How about we call it an evening? That sound good to anyone else? I think we all could use some shut eye.” Sam interrupted, sighing in relief when Gabriel immediately grabbed his hand and dragged him back into Sam’s bedroom shutting the door behind them. They both stood awkwardly away from one another, both of them trying to pretend they didn’t feel the electricity from their brief contact on their way connected to the room they often shared together. “So, um…”

“What can I do to fix this?”

“What?” Sam glanced up at Gabriel through his lashes in surprise. For the first time since he’d met the other man, Gabriel seemed to shrink in the space around him to look small, his usual exuberance gone under the strain of his worry that Sam was going to ask him to leave because of his fuck up saying he and Castiel used to be together. It was clear to him from the moment those words have left his mouth that the priest has started to feel doubts creeping in, and in his long life there was nothing else he regretted with the same weight he did for giving this beautiful man a reason to doubt how he felt about him. “Gabriel, what are you talking about?”

“I just want things to go back to the way they were. For you to stop looking at me like I’m a stranger and not the person you’ve said you loved a thousand and one times.” Gabriel looked away from his partner as his eye filled up with tears. “I don’t… I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Gabriel, you jumped out a window to punch my Dad in the face just to protect me.” Sam smiled softly, shaking his head. “Something like this isn’t going to make me immediately think you don’t care about me when you’ve already proven time and time again that you love me.”

“So… do you think we can get passed this?” Gabriel hopefully, cautiously reaching out a hand to his lover who took it almost instantly pulling him into a tight hug.

“I certainly plan on doing my damnedest, do you?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then I’m sure we’ll do just fine.” Sam smiled, kissing his boyfriend’s hair affectionately. “Just… I need you to tell me about your life. Not everything, especially not, right away, but I realized today how much I don’t know about you. I don’t mean exes, unless that’s what you want to tell me. But just… things. Like where you used to live, or who classes you took in college if you went to college. I know little details, like how many creams you like to take in your coffee, but I’m missing a lot of the big picture memories, you know?”

“I understand, I play things pretty close to the vest.” Gabriel smiled, kissing his boyfriend gently. “I’ll work on sharing my past with you, because I want you to be my future.”

“That’s all I can ask of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it's short, and it's late, and I'm sorry about that. There's been a stupid amount of things going on in my personal life right now between work and getting ready for a big move at the end of the month.


	10. And The Lord Taketh Away

Things settled down after a few weeks, the boys and their respective partners falling back into their routines.  Things were awkward for a while between everyone, especially between Dean and Gabriel, but after a few talks the Winchester boys agreed that regardless of whatever had happened between their boyfriend's in the past, there was clearly no feelings between them now for them to worry about.  After that revelation, things calmed and went back to normal, especially after Dean and Castiel went off on a hunt and gave the priest and his handyman some space.

"Did I ever tell you about the time my Dad sent me to live by myself as a punishment?"

"No, do tell."  Sam grinned, perking up next to Gabriel as he shook his head.  After the initial shock of finding out his live-in boyfriend had once dated his older brother's current beau, Gabriel had been trying to make up for the gaps in what Sam knew about his past.  It had started slow, just mundane details like that he liked pineapple on his pizza or that he didn't like socks because they made his ankles feels strangled, but it had been slowly become more personal information and actual stories about his life before coming to work at the church.  He often stayed away from stories that involved Castiel, his ex, but he couldn't really blame him when he avoided talking about Jessica just as firmly.

Still, they were both trying, both wanting to learn about the other and willing to give up information as much at a time as they felt they could.  It was a slow process, but Sam relished every story that brought him a more complete picture on the jigsaw puzzle that was his boyfriend's past.

"Well okay, it was a long time ago.  Like, forever.  Like so long ago, dinosaurs roamed the Earth still.  And me being the charmer that I am, was bored to death.  Dad was always working and didn't have much time for me.  He'd just started a new... terrarium? Yeah, that's the word?  Anyways.  He was filling it with all these lizards, and they were all assholes, honestly.  But he kept working away at it and ignoring me, and finally I was fed up with being second place to a bunch of reptiles, so when he wasn't looking I _might_ have ratcheted up the heat so much that they all died."  Gabriel paused, his cheeks going pink when Sam laughed.  He worried the hem of his shirt between his hands, clearly worried he'd just made himself look bad, calming only when Sam placed a delicate kiss to this cheek and waited quietly for him to continue talking.  "Well when Dad finally noticed, he got pissed.  I mean, now as an adult, I can't blame him. I so effectively ruined it, there was no choice but to scrap the whole project, and it was eons before he wanted to try another terrarium - which you'll be happy to know, I did not ruin this time.  But, anyways.  Dad was so pissed he dropped me off at the edge of his garden and left me there.  It was days before he came back to check on me."

"You poor thing..." Sam sighed, pulling his boyfriend in for a hug.  After how John Winchester had raised him, he understood the fear and loneliness Gabriel must have felt.  "How old were you?"

"Young, but not too young.  Like... I could take care of myself well enough at the time but I wasn't the mature adult you now see before you."  Gabriel grinned when Sam rolled his eyes, punching his shoulder lightly.  "Okay, mature might have been an overstatement.  More or less adult-ish, then."

"So when did you do in the garden by yourself?"

"I climbed trees, spent time getting to know the wild animals roaming around, spent time connecting with nature and all that hippy dippy stuff you hear about.  Ate a lot of apples and just contemplated my life and existence for a while."  He shrugged, ruffling his boyfriend's hair.  After a minute he frowned slightly.  "Sammy, I know that look, what's wrong?"

"I just... did your father do things like that often?"  Sam asked delicately, a lump forming in his throat making it hard to keep the emotion from creeping into his voice.  Gabriel talked so little of his family, and when he did, it was always about some sort of trouble he'd gotten in with his father.  After growing up to realize how awful John Winchester had been as a father to him, he hated the idea of Gabriel having gone through the same sort of childhood - or worse, that Gabriel had but hadn't yet become disenchanted by his father enough to realize it, which is what it sounded like the more he found out.  "Did he often punish you, or abandon you places?"

"What?  No... OH, oh no, Sam it's not like that at all!"  Gabriel sat up so quickly they bonked heads, each of them pulling back quickly and clutching at the cause of their pain.  "Shit, sorry.  I just... Look, I'm not trying to make my life sound tragic here."

"I know you're not, but if your father..."

"My father is great Sammy, really."  Gabriel cut in, his eyes slightly frantic.  Though he wanted to argue, Sam chose instead to nod and give his boyfriend a chance to change his mind.  "Look, I screwed up a lot in my youth, and made things as difficult as possible for my Dad.  I was kind of spoiled, and mischievous, and didn't understand that he had an important job to do.  I just wanted his attention, and I did almost anything to get it, even if it was something I knew was wrong just so he'd have to take the time to punish me for it.  I knew was I was doing every single time, and I deserved it.  And yes, I realize now I probably... haven't made him sound so great because of the stories I've told you so far, but you're getting a one sided view of my father, I promise.  This stuff?  Me being an asshole he had to punish and keep away from his work, that's just the tip of the iceberg."

"I just worry about you, that's all.  The thought that anyone was been hurting you, especially your father after what mine... well, you know."  Sam shrugged, looking down at his hands.  After a moment a pair of rougher, more calloused ones closed over top of them squeezing gently.

"Let me tell you another story then, about the time he saved a family from a flood."

"I'd like that."

 

 

*      *      *       *      *

 

"So you thought it'd be a great idea to tell him about the time you ruined Dad's dinosaur project and he left you alone in Eden to think about what you'd done, did you?"

"Come on Cas, it wasn't like I told him the true story, just a roundabout version of the events."  Gabriel rolled his eyes, sighing when his companion didn't stop looking tersely at him.  He'd been getting flak from him ever since the night he'd panicked and said they that they used to date in front of both of their boyfriends.  While he couldn't blame him for being worried what else he'd told his charge, he didn't really like the idea that Castiel had been listening in on what he was telling Sam privately.  "Sammy wanted to know about my life, and I'm telling him what I can.  Or at least, the things I can suitably alter for the time being."

"Like the story of Noah?  Really, Gabriel, why don't you just tell him about the time you spoke to Mary and told her she was pregnant with Jesus if you're going to rehash the best known bible stories?!"

"He didn't notice the similarities, I promise.  And if he did, he'll just assume it's a coincidence.  I don't think even a man of the faith like Sam will make the intuitive leap to us being angels from a few stories I tell him.  Humans are, after all, incredibly willing to disbelieve in the supernatural or holy beings all around them."  Gabe smiled sadly, taking a long sip of his wine.  While it was nice to have another angel around, someone he didn't have to be on guard around all the time, Cas had a way of wearing his patience thin with his rules and regulations stiffness.  "You need to lighten up, seriously.  Are you telling me Dean's never asked you about your past?"

"No, he has, but he respects the fact that I'm a private person and when I do tell him anything he doesn't push me for more than I'm willing to share with him.  I stay away from recounting the edited cliff notes of epic biblical stories, though, because unlike you I don't want to blow our cover."  Cas said with a sigh, though Gabe was sure he could see the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.  "I'm just asking you to be careful, there's a lot at stake here."

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think would happen if you blow your cover?  That Father or the other archangels are just going to leave you on Earth with Sam?"  Cas asked, frowning when Gabriel did nothing but blink at him in shock as if that thought had never occurred to him.  "I just don't want to watch either of your hearts get broken if Father decided to drag you home."

"That would kill Sammy..."

"Then I suggest being more careful, for both your sakes." 

"I wouldn't worry about that, loves." Gabriel and Castiel both turned at the voice suddenly appearing behind them, shooting each other a worried look as Balthazar stepped towards them.  The idea that the two of them were both on missions so close to one another was weird enough, but the idea that three angelic presences would be sharing the same town was unheard of.  When too many of their kind appeared in the same place for any period of time, miracles started to occur naturally, and the public took notice.  "Dad sent me.  The trickster here's not going to have a chance to blow his cover."

"What do you mean?"  Gabriel asked, his heart pounding nervously in his chest.

As he waited for Balthazar to speak, he felt the crushing worry that everything was coming to a crushing end.

 

*      *      *       *      *

 

"Of course Olivia, I'll see you tomorrow to work out the details of the charity dinner for starting a Haiti relief fund.  First thing in the morning, right after the service.  Uh huh.  Alright, have a good evening."  Sam ended his phone call as he entered his apartment, carefully balancing the bag of groceries he was carrying against the wall as he shut and re-locked the front door.  Humming to himself he started to put away the produce, stopping after a few minutes when he realized how odd it was that Gabriel wasn't in the kitchen with him making dinner like he usually was at this time of night.  Setting down what he was holding, Sam stuck his head out into the main part of the apartment and listened to... nothing.  There was silence, stretching from wall to wall and filling up the young priest was beginning to feel fill his stomach with dread.  "Gabriel?"

He padded slowly towards his bedroom, not really expecting to find his boyfriend there.  Gabe had once told him it felt like an invasion of privacy to stay in his room when he wasn't there, something that he'd found incredibly endearing.  His boyfriend never tried to push him too far outside of his comfort zone, whether it be about showing minimal affection in public or that he sometimes needed his own space to be alone with his thoughts.  Now, he worried about what he'd once seen as something sweet, wondering if it could have been a way to keep some distance between them, just in case. 

His room was empty, just like he'd expected.

His eyes turned towards the guest bedroom, swallowing down his worry.  He hurried over to the door, wanting this irrational panic to be over as soon as possible so that Gabriel could smile and say he wanted to order a pizza tonight and that of course he wouldn't just up and leave like that, that he loved him too much to just disappear.

The room he'd come to think of as Gabriel's was empty, but not just that.  It was pristine.  The bed he hadn't seen made in month was tucked up carefully, almost methodically.  The blinds were drawn shut, something Gabriel never did because of how much he loved the morning sunlight.  The closet and drawers were empty of all of his clothes and other assorted trinkets he'd amassed during the time he'd been living with the young priest.  It looked, he realized, as though the room had never been touched.  His heart squeezed with worry in his chest as he rushed out of the room and into his own, tearing through his drawers for a small frame he's hidden away under his socks - a picture of him and Gabriel that Olivia's son had taken of them at Christmas, something he'd come to cherish almost as much as the man himself.

The frame was there, right where he'd left it, but it was empty.  There was no proof, Sam realized with a sob as he dropped to his knees clutching the frame to his chest, that Gabriel had ever existed as a part of his life. 

Some time later, he wasn't sure when, he heard his phone ringing from the other room.  He considered letting it go, but the small hope that it might be Gabriel drove him slowly to his feet and into the kitchen, the ice cream he'd gotten for Gabriel had already started melting and left a small puddle on the counter top.  He glanced at his phone as he accepted the call: his brother.

"Dean?"

_"Sammy, thank fuck.  Its been a day man, I was so worried something that gotten you too!"_

"Wait, what are you talking about?"  Sam asked, heading into the living room to sit down. 

_"I called you three times already and you didn't answer, I got a little worried you know?  Fuck, I'm halfway to your place actually."_

"Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you.  I didn't... hear my phone."  Sam said tightly, glancing at the clock on the wall.  It had been four hours since he'd gotten home.  Four hours since he'd lost Gabriel. 

_"Geez, get a louder ring tone.  Anyways, about why I called you... Cas isn't over there with you, is he?"_

"No, why would he be here?"

_"Because he's gone."_

"Castiel is missing?"  Sam sat up straighter, his heart clenching uncomfortably.  He had a sinking feeling starting to build in his stomach, but he pushed it aside, concern for his brother overwhelming his own doubts.  "Do you think something took him, like a daemon?"

_"I don't know what to think man, honestly?  Last night I went to bed the happiest man alive knowing Castiel was mine, and this afternoon when I get back from a beer run he's just gone.  No note, no signs of a struggle, motel room still locked right like I'd left it.  Fuck, all his stuff is gone too, but I don't... I can't believe he'd just up and leave me.  I know it'll sound sappy and stupid, but I think he really loved me Sammy, like I really love him.  He wouldn't just leave me like that."_

"Gabe's gone too."

There was silence on the other end of the call.  Sam swallowed, his eyes sliding shut against the tears he felt starting to form in his eyes.

_"I'll be there within the hour."_

"Hurry, please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. My. God.
> 
> I didn't forget about this story, though I know it probably seems like it. I wish I could sum up all the things that have kept me away from writing all this time, but the list would just go on and on. Here's a brief overview: moved twice, got promoted twice, got engaged, got published by a small press for some poetry which meant copy edits and email chains, had seven theater events to attend because my friends are incredibly talented and I HAD to see them in all their shows, went to a bunch of literary events to meet other authors, dropped everything a few times to see my cousin who joined the Marines when he was in town (and I mean EVERYTHING), and I was in and out of the hospital a few times. During a lot of this, I didn't have internet or a computer, and then when we finally got it set up, we moved again and I just got everything put back together.
> 
> I can't promise this won't happen again - I don't know where my life is headed or what might steal my focus away next. But I promise to do my best, and get this story completed as soon as I can. (And then, maybe, write some more? But that I'll leave for another day).


	11. Revelations

_They probably ran off together..._

Gabriel leaving, okay, that could be plausible if not expected. Castiel, sure, Dean could be a royal asshole and more than one person had left him unexpectedly after deciding they couldn't take it anymore.  Both of them leaving at the same time though?  No word, no note, nothing left behind?  The brothers weren't ones to believe in coincidences, being raised by hunters and the veritable suspicious powerhouse that was John Winchester, but even if they had this would have stunk to high Heaven.  Neither one of them wanted to be the one to say it but the longer they searched, the more plans and possibilities they threw out there, the more outlandish the straws they were grasping at became, the less they could avoid it.  Almost twelve hours had passed since the eldest Winchester had shown up at his brother's house, his face tear stained and his hands slightly shaking.  It wasn't until he saw Dean - reliable, strong willed, tough - so clearly not okay that Sam finally broke down and cried, sobbing into his brother's shoulder as he tripped over his words trying to properly explain that no sign that he had ever been loved remained.  It was Dean who finally cracked, sighing as he looked up from where he'd been holding his head in his hands after Sam had shot down his last suggestion of where they're lovers might have gone. 

"I know you don't want to hear it... and God damn, I don't want to say it... but it has to be more than a coincidence that they disappeared at the same time, or that it was so complete.  Hell, everything he owned was gone like he never existed."  Dean sighed, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck.  He picked up his beer off the ground taking a long pull from it dejectedly.  Sam wasn't sure he had enough beer on hand, knowing how drunk both of them would rather be at that moment given the circumstances around them. 

"Same thing here.  The picture of Gabe and I that I had in my dresser was gone when I got home.  Frame was still there where I'd left it, but it was empty."  Sam said softly, not looking up at his brother. 

"Do you think... Jesus, I don't think I can stomach even saying it out loud.  Thinking it's bad enough."  Dean sighed, clearly working himself up to stay something he'd rather not.  Sam was pretty sure he knew where this was going, but he stayed silent, not wanting to be the one to say it either.  "Do you think... they ran off together?"

"I honestly don't know.  There's so many variables in life, its impossible to know anything for certain, even for people like me who believe that God has a plan for us all."  He sighed, finally looking up at his brother.  "I don't want to give you mere opinions when we both need facts, but that's all I've got.  Do I think it's more than a coincidence that they disappeared at the same time?  Yeah, I do.  But do I think Gabriel would leave me like this of his own accord after everything we've been through together?  No, no I don't.  I can't believe everything between us was a lie."

"Yeah... I never once had a reason to think Castiel wanted to leave me.  But I mean, weirder things have happened with no explanation, especially to us."  Dean sighed heavily, rubbing at his face.  "Well, regardless, we're not going to find them tonight.  Might as well get some shut eye and start looking again tomorrow morning."

"...Should we even keep looking though?"

"Sammy?"  Dean's head snapped up to look at his younger brother, swallowing at the sheer desperate hurt etched into his face.  He'd been there when he'd lost Jessica, and that had been a horror to be sure, but this?  This was so much worse.  Sam wore Gabriel's loss like a physical weight crushing him down.  At least with Jess, he'd had someone to blame, someone that Dean could hunt down for him and demand recompense from.  But not knowing whether Gabe left him by choice was clearly striking at his heart much harder - this pain left room only for regret and self-pity, to longing and pining and nothing productive like rage or remorse. 

This would eat him alive if they didn't figure it out.

"If they left by choice... and I'm not saying they did, especially Cas... but if they did... wouldn't they be happier if we didn't look for them and left them alone?  That's what they might want, right?  Gabriel might have wanted to be rid of me.  Looking for him, especially if we find him, might not be what he wants."  Sam said sullenly, his tone clipped with the beginnings of tears he was barely holding back.  He glanced up at his brother, and suddenly Dean was back with his baby brother, explaining that their Mother wasn't there not because she didn't want to be but because she couldn't be - except this time, he wasn't sure if that was the case, and didn't dare give his brother false hope that Gabriel hadn't wanted to leave him the way that he did.  "How am I supposed to look for him if I'm not sure that's what he wants from me?"

"I guess you'll have to have faith." 

Sam looked up at his brother, sure he was teasing him and ready to bite his head off for daring to make a joke like that at a time like this.  But when he saw only serious, quiet contemplation and hope in his brother's eyes, he softened.  Dean had never been a man of faith, not even when they were young, but here he was willing to believe because of Castiel.  Faith was something the Winchester boys had always had to fight to believe in, and yet here Dean was with it coming so easily to him, and for once it was Sam floundering without surety in his own beliefs.  Suddenly it was all too much to bear, and Sam burst into tears, allowing his brother to hold him close until he finally slipped into an uneasy sleep. 

He dreamed of Gabriel.

 

 

*          *          *          *         *

 

 

"Father Winchester, do you need anything else from me before I head home?"

"No Olivia, that will be all thank you."  Sam glanced up from where he sat at his desk to smile weakly at her, the classifieds of the local newspaper held tightly in his hands.  After putting it off for a week, he was finally looking for a new handyman to take Gabriel's place around the church.  It had physically pained him even just thinking about it, but the boiler was starting to act up, and if he didn't suck it up and get someone in here soon things could turn ugly pretty fast.  As much as he was trying to have faith that Gabriel might somehow return to him after his mysterious absence, he also needed to look out for his parishioners, and the old building required more constant maintenance than he'd realized.  Somehow Gabriel had kept the place in near perfect condition, but now that Sam had been trying to handle it on his own, he was getting swamped. 

"Sam...?"  She started hesitantly, stepping into the office and shutting the door behind her.  He sighed to himself softly, sure he knew where this was going.  He could tell his flock had noticed, if not the actual man's absence, but at the very least the affect it was having on their priest.  Sure, he was trying to keep a positive outlook and not let his personal dread seep into his work or how he interacted with his parishioners, but he knew he wasn't always successful at keeping up a pleasant facade when he felt so miserable inside.  So far though, no one had questioned him about it, so he'd kept it to himself.  "Do you... want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"  He tried, swallowing hard as he looked back down at the newspaper in his hands.  It was starting to shake in his hands, so he set it down, hoping she hadn't noticed. 

"About Gabriel."  She spoke quietly, an yet he flinched at her tone nonetheless.  "Sam, I won't make you talk, but you don't have to walk around here all the time like a darned saint, refusing to let anyone see your problems.  We all know how much he meant to you, and now that he's not around for whatever reason, we understand that it's taking its toll on you.  What I mean to say is, you don't have to carry this burden alone if you don't want to.  We're hear for you, just like you are for us."

"...Thank you Olivia, it means a lot to me.  I don't know when I'll want to talk about it, if I ever do, but I'll be sure to remember you're here for me if I want to."  He smiled up at her, genuinely touched by her show of concern.

"Remember what you always tell us Father, God works his way through all things."  She waved to him one last time before stepping out of the office.  Sam sat in quiet contemplation for a few minutes, finally standing up and going into the main room of the church, staring up at the stained glass windows, finally realizing the one strongest thing he could have down with to show his faith but had not. 

Kneeling down before the cross, Father Sam Winchester began to pray.


	12. But for the Grace of God

Dean Winchester had never been one to pray.

When he was very little his mother had been killed by a daemon, and ever since that day, his father had done everything in his power to discount his dead wife's belief in angels and God.  He'd done a good job: if you'd asked Dean up until a few months ago if he believed in God, he would have laughed and flipped you off.  He had impersonated priests on cases to get information and felt no remorse, had desecrated dozens upon dozens of graves putting souls to rest, and had actually set fire to a church in Alabama trying to rid the inhabitants of a tiny town of a particularly malevolent scarecrow spirit.  Now was a different story.   After watching his brother break their father's tyrannical grip to become a preacher, after finding and losing the love of his life, Dean wasn't so sure anymore. 

It has hard not to believe in angels after meeting Castiel.

That man had looked at Dean's broken, jaded soul and picked him up off the floor anyways like he didn't see he was a lost cause. 

They'd rescued Cas from a creepy spider daemon holding his victims captive under a town hall out west, and Dean had insisted on nursing him back to health himself since his father had been going on missions alone recently and demanding Dean stay at the motel alone.  At least with Cas mending up he had someone to talk to and something to occupy his time.  As he got better, John Winchester had insisted Castiel get back to his family, but he'd insisted he didn't have anyone and anywhere to go.  Dean had convinced his father to let him bring Castiel along and train him up to be a hunter, at which point they would dump him in whatever town they found once he'd be able to properly take care of himself and stay protected.  When they'd first started to work together, Dean had hated him.  Castiel was everything he didn't like: straight laced, couldn't take a joke, didn't drink, knew nothing about cars, and most importantly, had no problem being honest about his feelings and felt no fear to voice them.  His father hadn't really liked him either, but they could hardy snub another pair of eyes for research, especially when Castiel didn't care to sleep on the floor and never demanded to sit up front in Baby when they were on the road.  Over time, Dean and Castiel became friends, the more experienced hunter showing him everything he knew so the other would be better prepared to keep himself safe.  His father had watched their budding friendship with tight lipped annoyance, but had said nothing since it was the happiest he'd seen his elder son since the other ran away and abandoned them.  When Cas had first told him he thought he had developed feelings for him, Dean had punched him in the mouth and walked out of the bar.  And somehow, even after that, when Dean had found him at the motel later and stormed into the room like a hurricane to pull him into his arms and plant a truly bruising kiss on him, Castiel had been happy with him.  He'd been patient and caring, understanding that he had some personal issues to work though before he could really commit to Castiel the way he deserved, and the blue eyed beauty had understood.  He'd stood by him when his father walked out of him, had held him while he shook from the insults and the lingering shame he was working to overcome, and told him endlessly that he was loved. 

And now that he was gone, after he and his brother had tried everything to look for him, Dean didn't know what else to do.

Sam had left for work hours ago, leaving Dean to pace around his apartment like it wasn't making him go stir-crazy.  His brother had offered for him to come along, but Dean had refused, not sure a church was the best place for him right now when all he wanted to do was break things and curse out the entire world for keeping Castiel anywhere that wasn't right by his side where he belonged.  He wished in that moment more than anything to not be alone, something at the back of his brain pricking up.  He'd asked Castiel how he didn't go crazy sitting around the motel room when Dean went out without him on super sensitive cases, and his lover's reply had been...

"...I'm never alone because I believe in Heaven."  Dean sighed, glancing at the locked door like he was worried Sammy might burst in and interrupt him in what he'd decided to do.  Sighing, Dean dropped to his knees in front of the couch, resting his elbows on it as he looked up at the ceiling.  "Alright Cas, I don't know how this is supposed to work, but I've tried everything else to get you back.  It can't hurt, right?"

He paused, swallowing against the lump forming in his throat.

"Look God, I don't really know how this is supposed to work, and I know of all people I'm probably one of the last ones who you'd ever listen to, let alone help but... it's really important to me that Castiel... God, I want him back.  But more than that, I need him safe.  As long as he's safe and happy, wherever he is, then I'll be fine.  The not knowing is what's killing me.  If he left me, fine, even if it was to go be with Gabriel.  Oh, and while you're at it, don't let that dick be hurt either, Sammy couldn't take it.  But... please watch over them.  I know the Winchesters don't exactly have a good history of having faith, except for Mom and Sammy, but please.  Let them be alright, and if he wants, help bring Castiel back to me.  I uh... do I offer to not be an asshole anymore or something?  Or is that just confession?  Fuck, I give up, this praying thing is hard."

"Ah, how cute.  A boy who still believes in God in today's day and age.  Sorry Deano, God left the party a long time ago."

Before he could turn around a sharp pain exploded at the back his skull, and everything went black.

 

 

*          *          *          *          *

 

 

Sam stood up from his own prayers, wiping his eyes on his sleeve as he headed back to his office to collect him things and head home.  As he was locking the front door, his phone rang in his pocket, Sam fishing it out to see a call from his brother.

"What is it Dean, I'm just leaving work?"

_"Why hello there Sam, it's been a while."_

"Who is this?"  Sam asked, his hands shaking slightly as he carefully pocketed his keys.  The last thing he needed was to panic and drop them like one too many idiots in horror movies. 

 _"Ah buddy I'm hurt, you don't remember me?  Here, let me give you a hint.  I barbecued your Mommy and stuck her on the ceiling of your nursery.  Any of that ring a bell?"_  

"You..."  Sam very nearly threw up, his free hand pressed tightly to the church door to keep himself steady and his knees began to shake.  "What have you done with my brother?"

_"Nothing yet.  Why, do you think I should?  He certainly is a strong, pretty one isn't he?  Then again, I've always favored you Sammy, you know that."_

"What the hell do you want?!"  Sam shouted, resting his forehead against the door as his mind began to spin. 

_"Language young man, aren't you a priest now?  Still, this is beginning to get boring.  Dean's unconscious, so he's no fun right now.  Come to the address I'm texting you if you want to see your brother alive.  Do not bring anyone with you, least of all that annoying persistent father of yours, or I'll slit your brother's throat so wide he could be used as a ventriloquist's dummy.  See you soon Sam."_

"Shit."  Unlocking the door to the church he ran back to his office, quickly opening the small safe behind his desk and grabbing the small supply kit he'd kept on hand just in case: salt, holy water vials, crucifixes, a copy of wooden stakes, a pair of handguns, and a myriad of salt and silver bullets.  Running across the parking lot to his car Sam jumped inside, taking deep breaths to steady himself as he waited for the promised text that would bring him to his brother.  He wished then that he'd kept a better arsenal, but after leaving behind his life on the road, Sam hadn't stayed as well stocked up as Dean had always taught him to be.  It was barely the kit of a beginner, and he knew it wouldn't do any good against the Yellow Eyed Daemon.  He briefly considered calling his father, but thought better of it.  After all, he'd cut off both of them very recently, even the promise of revenge probably wasn't enough to convince his father to pick up the phone or to actually show up. 

His phone dinged, Sam opening the text to find a location about an hour away in a state park. 

As he drove, he said another silent prayer begging for his brother's safety, hoping against hope that God was listening.

Little did he know he was, but he wasn't the only one.

 

 

*         *        *         *         *

 

Up in Heaven, things were not going very well for Gabriel and Castiel.

As soon as Balthazar had told them that they were being brought home and reassigned, both had tried to flee, and when he kept pursuing them, he pair had turned to fight their way out of it.  For a while Gabe had actually thought that they would succeed, but then the other archangels and Uriel had shown up, and he knew they were doomed.  They'd been taken to the dungeon and locked away, cuffed and unable to use their powers. Gabriel wasn't sure what was worse about the whole situation.  Being in jail when he couldn't figure out what he'd done wrong - okay, he'd attacked his own kind, but he didn't understand what he'd done wrong with Sam that invoked being brought home - was bad.  Knowing how badly this was going to hurt Sam when he came home and found Gabriel not only gone but every inch of their life together erased - Uriel could only have shown up for one reason, the grimy prick, his specialty was reconfiguring things in the mortal world to pull an angel's existence during a mission away so cleanly that nothing remained - was worse.  And somewhere on that scale was the fact that since he'd been shoved into the cell next to him, Castiel hadn't responded to him once and just kept crying no matter what he said to comfort him.

Just when he'd started to feel desperate, he'd felt more than heard Sam's prayers for him, a delicious agony he had never wanted to feel and now couldn't imagine having lived without for so long. 

It had be torture knowing down on Earth that the man he loved was in pain and asking God for his return and safety, that he had so much faith in them that he didn't just give up and assume Gabriel had left him willingly without a word.  His words to God for Gabriel's safe return were a comfort to him where he sat in his cell feeling hopeless, even if he knew prayers alone wouldn't help him now if his father was determined to keep them apart.  More than anything he wished for a way to return to Sammy's side, or at the very least let him know he was alive and hadn't wanted to leave.  After a while Sam had stopped praying and the pain had dissipated leaving only a dully, throbbing emptiness in its place that Gabriel thought was much worse.

Then Castiel's breath had hitched, his sobs restarting harder interspersed with cried of Dean's name, and Gabriel had known somewhere out there another Winchester was praying too. 

"I never thought Dean would be the praying type personally, seemed a little too... Earthy for that, you know?"  Gabriel said once Castiel's breathing had evened out again signalling the end of Dean's prayers.

"I think... this might have been his first ever prayer, and it was for me to be safe.  Not for me to come back, but to be safe and happy wherever I was.  He didn't beg for me to come home in case I had chosen to leave him."  Castiel's voice was watery and overwhelmed with emotion, the archangel tearing up at his words. 

"We'll get back to them Castiel, don't worry."

"How can you say that for certain?"

"Because I have faith in our Father, too.  There has to be a reason for this.  I don't know what, but there has to be.  Mysterious ways, and all that shit."

"I guess... I don't really want to think Father would really give us these charges knowing how things would turn out only to break us apart."  Castiel said hopefully, still sniffing slightly.

"Buck up kiddo, we'll be home soon."  Even as he said it, he felt no surety to his words, but he wasn't about to confess that to the other angel.  He needed, he knew, to keep the faith Sam had in him alive no matter how desperate things looked.  And from where he was sitting it was pretty desperate. 

As Sam's second prayer overwhelmed him, Gabriel had to bite down on his hand to keep from crying out.  He didn't dare tell the other angel that Dean was in danger, not when he had no hope to offer him that his lover would be safe.  Standing up Gabriel took a few shaking steps towards the bars of his cell, pressing his face against the metal.  He wanted to believe their father had a plan, he really did, but with both of their boys in danger and possibly on borrowed time... he couldn't risk the wait.  Taking a deep breath Gabriel summoned every ounce of magic he could reach within himself to break the runes Micheal had scrolled across his shoulder blades just over hi wings to try and keep his magic bound.  Just as he started to feel the pitiful reserves he could get to running out the seals broke, all his power returning to him in a rush that made his head spin.  Taking a deep breath to steady himself he blew out the bars of his cells, doing the same to Castiel's.  The other angel scrambled to his feet, awe in his eyes as he saw for the first time the unbridled and terrifying power of the most underrated of the archangels.  He offered a hand to Castiel who took it, allowing himself to be dragged down the hallway and out of the dungeons.  It was on;y after Gabriel stopped by the armory to get them both weapons and then dragged him down so that they were plummeting towards Earth again that he asked what was going on.

"We're going to rescue our boys from a daemon, that's what, and Dad help anyone or anything that tries to get in my way." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh this one is almost over already?! Things are wrapping up quite nicely in my head - you'll all see soon, if you don't already, where this is going. 
> 
> Guess I'll need to find a new idea for a Supernatural story for when this one is finished huh? lol


	13. Prayers

Gabriel had never thought to pray before.

After all, he was an archangel, what did he have to pray about?  He spent his days up in Heaven, following his brother Luc - his full names seemed so formal, and since nicknames bothered Micheal for some reason, it made it even better to the trickster - around pulling pranks together and running errands for Father when he required it of them.  He'd been giggling himself silly in the archives after gluing the ends of Uriel's wings together while he slept when some of the lower cherubs had found him to tell him the news that his favorite brother was being cast out for disobedience and pride. 

First chance he got he snuck down to the cells where he was being held while Father made a big show of gathering all the angels to cast out all those who thought similarly to his disgraced son and said goodbye, tears in his eyes at the thought of his life without his best friend.  Luc has put on a brave face, but Gabriel had been able to see how scared he was.  They made a promise, no matter what happened or what Heave demanded, not to stand against one another.

Gabriel didn't go to watch when Lucifer was banished, and no one was more surprised than he was when the next day he was named as the new archangel.

It had been the beginning of the end for Gabriel, in a way.  After Luc left, he didn't see much in Heaven that interested him anymore, and even messing with his brothers and sisters didn't have the same appeal.  Finally, his Father had offered him a compromise without the other angels knowing it: if he went to Earth to announce to Mary that she would bear God's mortal son Jesus, then Father would let him live on Earth away from the family for a time. 

It had been a dream, living among the mortals.  He watched day after day as people who were perceived as wrong or bad were still loved, still allowed to be with their families.  Briefly, he considered looking for Luc, but he knew that their Father's patience would only stretch so far.  Besides, if the rumors he'd heard before he left home were right, even he wouldn't loyally follow his brother into Hell - giving up Heaven was one thing, but that was something else entirely.

And then one day the weirdest thing happened.  He was walking down the street, minding his own business, when Ramiel had shown up out of no where.  While they'd never been particularly close, it was still an emotional meeting after so long apart.  Gabe listened to why he'd been sent, confused to hear that their Father had a mission for him after all these years away and out of training, but still came home to see the details before he refused what Ramiel had phrased as 'a request to rejoin service and take a charge'.  It was the wording more than anything else that struck his attention.  God didn't make requests, just edicts and orders.

Father said it was a standard mission, to follow a charge who had wavering but strong faith and to keep him safe and try to strengthen his faith as much as possible.  He wasn't really sure he was ready to go back to work yet, even after a few hundred years, but the second he looked down at Earth and saw Sam Winchester's face, he knew two things. 

One, he was going back to Team Heaven.  Two, he was screwed.

It hadn't surprised him when he'd felt himself falling for Sammy, he'd known his father had to have been up to something when he randomly and politely asked him to take a new charge.  He was thrilled, knowing if he'd set them up so perfectly, he had to approve at least a little bit.  He watched Sam's walls around his heart slip and fall one by one, had taken the beating from John Winchester like a champ, had dealt with the interruption of Castiel and Dean into the safe bubble he was trying to construct around the two of them.  He'd fallen deeply and truly in love with him, and believed Sam had fallen for him as well. 

Yet he'd been dragged home without a real explanation as to why when he'd finally started to feel like Sam fully and completely trusted him.  Not only had he been dragged, but then chained and thrown into a cell like a war criminal... like Luc had been before the Fall.  It had hit hard, seeing the cells again.  Even worse, knowing that his insistence on fighting rather than going home quietly had gotten Castiel thrown into jail with him.

And now he was hurling through the night skies with his brother in arms, archangel blade in his hand for the first time in centuries, speeding towards the men they loved and whatever danger had befallen them. 

"Do you think they're still alive?"  Castiel shouted to him anxiously over the wind.

"If they weren't, we'd have felt it even stronger than we felt their prayers, don't worry.  Not feeling anything else since then is a good thing."  Gabriel said in a strong voice, as much to reassure Castiel as himself. 

"Where are we even going?"

"Can't you feel it?"  Gabriel shouted over the whipping, loud flapping of their large wings.  "Focus on Dean, remember what his prayers felt like inside you, and just follow your gut."

 

 

*          *          *          *          *

 

 

Dean knew the second Sammy arrived by the way the Yellow Eyed Daemon started to cackle to himself, excitedly tossing his blade up into the air and catching it back and forth like a harmless baseball.  His brother, to his credit, seemed to be packing more heat than he would have expected of a hunter turned priest, but it wasn't near enough for what lay ahead and they both knew it.

"You actually came alone, look at that.  What a pair of beautiful, decent boys you both grew up to be."

"Save your speeches, tell me what you want so I can get it for you and I can trade it for my brother."  Sam snapped, the pistols in his hands glinting in the dim far off streetlamp light.  He chanced a glance at his brother trying to take in his condition, his eyes momentarily leaving his target.  The next second he found his back against a tree, his weapons on the ground around him as the daemon pinned him against the bark. 

"Now why would I negotiate when I have both of you right where I want you?"

"Well, the two of us might be a compelling argument, but I'll leave that up to you." 

Sam wasn't sure whether to believe what he saw or not.  There stood Gabriel, a flaming sword in one hand and a large silver blade in the other, large golden wings sprouting out of his back poised behind him splayed wide in a defensive position.  Beside him Castiel knelt rapidly untying Dean, his own black wings folded neatly against his back, his own blade on the ground beside him as he put the priority of his lover's safety over the battle about to begin. 

"And to what do I owe the honor of a grunt and an archangel interfering with my fun?"  The Yellow-Eyed Daemon sneered, tightening his hand around his blade. 

"You took the two people we care about above all others.  Nasty mistake, and one I won't take lightly, especially from a mid-level daemon like yourself."  Gabriel snapped back at him coldly, Sam blinking in the realization that his Gabe and THAT Gabriel he'd read so much about in the Bible were apparently one in the same.

"Let us begin then, Winged Ones."


	14. Faith is a Thing with Feathers

Castiel had been to war.

Unlike Gabriel, he'd been born and bred to be a soldier and nothing more.  There had never been any doubt that he would never make archangel, no hint that he might one day be anything more than what had been intended for him, nothing more than another grunt to shuffle through the halls of Heaven waiting for their Father to send him to another killing field.  And God have mercy, Castiel had been built for a killing field.  Whole armies had fallen to his sword and his alone, but he had none upward ambition that upstarts like Uriel had or the defiance of his fallen older brother, perfectly content to do as he was told and go home to await more orders, to do as Father commanded with no thought of rebellion or revolt.  Sure, some of the other angels found him cold or robotic, but he was content to keep to himself and the few angels like Gabriel who still thought he was worth something regardless of how distant he could be emotionally.  He hadn't cared what people thought about him anyways, which was a plus.

And then he'd met Dean, and everything had changed in an instance.  When their father had pulled him from a battlefield in a human country with a name that had changed from century to century to the point he could no longer remember it, he'd been confused that he'd been put on a mission to protect a charge.  He was a warrior, a good soldier, but not a personable angel.  But when he'd saw Dean's face and felt his very soul, he'd turned to his Father and thanked him before running and flying as fast as he could to get to Earth and protect the gift - he knew their Father well enough to recognize a set up when he saw one -he'd been given.  Now he cared what someone thought of him, cared every single time Dean called him stiff or mentioned he couldn't read him, didn't know if he really cared about things or not.  There was so much fear in Castiel's heart over the last sentiment, if only because he never wanted Dean to think for even a second that he didn't care about _him_ more than everything else in his world. 

There had never been a battle he shied away from, but as his sword clashed against the daemon's claws before him, he knew there was more at stake on his battlefield that there had ever been before: his heart and soul were at stake, as was the life of the ones he held most dear.

"Getting tired, blue eyes?" 

"You wish."  Castiel said in a hard voice, struggling to control the slight panting in his breath.  He wouldn't let the enemy see he was wearing him down, that his last swipe of talons had connected to anything important.  As Gabriel rushed their foe again, he used the few precious seconds he'd been granted to carefully fold his wings tight against his back, hoping to hide the blood he could already feel pouring slowly from the wound he'd taken to his left wing joint.  There was no flying away now, no aerial attacks on wings that might give out, not when staying ahead of his attacker was so important.  He couldn't let the daemon see he'd been grounded, even if the effort to merely keep his wings on the corporeal plane when they ached to dissipate so his body could attempt any meager repairs was draining him of grace he desperately needed.

"I may have underestimated him.  He's wicked fast for only a mid-level daemon.  He's clearly bargained for extra power from someone, another daemon or a coven at least.  We might not be a match for him, not when he can more like that."  Gabriel panted as he used the air currents to glide back to Castiel's side and out of the way of an attack, clearly concerned.  He glanced quickly at Sam, ducked behind a cluster of trees holding his weaponless older brother back from a fight that he knew was more than they could handle.  "Go to the boys, get them out of here while you have a chance."

"I can't leave you here alone with him, you'll die."  Castiel snapped under his breath, breaking away from his brother the next second to avoid the knife coming straight for his face.  He ducked into a defensive pose, his angel blade held tightly in his hand.  He glanced back, catching Dean's eye.  It was so tempting to take the Winchesters and run, to get the man who held his heart to safety so that he might be able to breathe normally again without fear, but to leave his brother on a killing field... Swallowing against the lump in his throat, he swore a second later when Yellow Eyes caught him by the wing, jerking him backwards so that he lost his balance and hit the ground hard.  Gabriel cursed somewhere behind him, clearly struggling to get to him, but as he felt wing bones snap like twigs, he knew he was done for.  There'd be no escape now, not for him. 

The daemon shrieked, Castiel falling the rest of the way to the ground without his assailant holding him up.  He rolled onto his stomach, looking around.  Yellow Eyes was struggling to pull an angel blade from his back, Gabriel limping towards him with his archangel blade ablaze in one hand and Castiel'd fallen weapon in he other, dragging a clearly broken ankle behind him as he used his great wings to steady himself.  His wingtips dragged the dirt, a clear indication to the other angel that his brother was tiring, that this battle needed to end now or the risk would be more than just a few broken bones.  The daemon turned, jerking the angel blade from his body and tossing it aside seemingly unhurt though Castiel could see his skin and palms smoking slightly from where they'd come in contact with holy weapons.

"You know what I'm really wondering now?  Why is there only two of you when angels in my experience general travel in packs lie human women who need a bathroom?"  Castiel, who'd been crawling towards the fallen blade, stopped still and shot a look over to Gabriel, who's grip on his sword had loosened just enough to be noticeable.  The daemon laughed, glancing between the two of them in amusement.  "Oh, touched a nerve did I?"  No back up boys?  Too big for your britches and trying to take me out alone to make Daddy proud, or perhaps cut off from Heaven and any chance of help?" 

"They've got help alright."  Dean got in a solid hit, the knife connecting cleanly and sinking into the daemon's chest.  It sizzled where it stuck in, but as Dean went to twist it in farther, he found himself in a death grip, that fierce voice hissing in his ear in more annoyance than pain. 

"Tisk tisk Dean, can't you see the higher beings are having a conversation?"  Yellow Eyes sneered, pulling Dean in close and grasping his chin and hair as if he meant to snap his neck.  Castiel let out an involuntary whine of fear and struggled to get to his feet, a second later groaning in pain as a foot connected sharply with his face sending him reeling.  "Oh, I get it!  You both love them, is that it?   So this is a personal vendetta.  Does your Daddy not think these boys worth a Heavenly rescue, is that it?"

"Who says we need rescuing?"  The bullet connected cleanly over Dean's shoulder into the middle of the daemon's forehead, his brother pulling from the loosened arms and dropping to the ground pulling Castiel away as Yellow Eyes' body hit the dirt.  Gabriel lowered his sword, watching the way Sam's hands shook against the gun they still held.  He limped carefully forward, folding his wings against himself as he went.  They looked at one another, the priest's eyes staring into his with a mix of relief and confusion.  "So... you're a... um..."

"Angels."  Castiel said, leaning heavily against Dean as he helped him struggle to his feet.  "Servants and children of the one you call God."

"Oh, is that all?  And here I'd been thinking you were just a fast learner once I started teaching you how to fight, but it seems you're just an exceptionally good actor.  Had me fooled, anyways."  Dean said snarkily, his arms tightening around his lover when he tried to pull away, clearly distressed.  Startled blue eyes stared up at him, unsure.  "Oh hell nah, you're not going anywhere until I've gotten a good explanation for all this, understand?"

"You don't... you aren't going to just send me away for being dishonest with you?"  Castiel said in a soft voice, barely daring to breathe.  Dean shook his head, resting his chin on top of the angel's scruffy head.  "I thought you'd never want to see me again if you found out who I was, I thought you'd send me away immediately."

"And why would I do that and punish myself too?  God, I love you, dumbass.  Sending you away would only hurt me too, especially after losing you once nearly killed me with worry.  You're stuck with me, Cas."  Dean said softly, closing his eyes as tears formed in his eyes.  Sam watched them embracing each other, refusing to meet the golden eyes before him watching him carefully.

"I saw your wings before, and you played it off like I'd been dreaming.  I knew I saw them, I knew it!"  Sam said accusingly, finally turning to looked at the angel before him.  Gabriel wilted, clearly having hoped for a similar reassurance to Castiel that he was still wanted.  "I don't... you lied to me the whole time.  I fell in love with you, and you still didn't... why didn't you just tell me?"

"What was I supposed to do, sit you down for coffee and tell you I'd be heading out to get eggs later, and oh by the way, I'm a FUCKING ARCHANGEL?!"  Gabriel snapped, throwing his arms up in exasperation.  "What do you want from me here?!  Would you even have believed me if I told you?"

"I don't know, you didn't even give me the option!  You didn't trust me enough to tell me who you really are, and that hurts like a bitch!"  Sam shouted, poking a finger into Gabe's chest in accusation.  He wilted visibly, overwhelmed by the simultaneous needs to rip Gabe's head off and tell him never to leave him like that again.  "You just left us..."

"Not by choice."  Gabe said softly, his voice catching in his throat as tears welled up in his eyes.  "I never would have left by choice."

"How am I supposed to know that?  I don't even know who you are anymore.  How can I let you back into my life when I fell in love without even knowing what you are?"

"You might not have know what I am, but I could have sworn you knew my heart."

Unable to respond, Sam looked away - just in time to see the daemon climbing back to his feet to rush at Gabriel, who's back was still turned to it thinking like they all had that the battle was over.  A million thoughts raced through his head in seconds as he watched Yellow Eyes, unnoticed by the rest, lengthen his talons in seconds.  How had he been so stupid?  Why had they all accepted the one bullet could bring him down so fast, why had none of them checked the body?  Without thinking he raising the gun again, shoving Gabriel out of the way just as the daemon slammed into him shoving him back against a tree.  He didn't even feet the talons entering his chest and stomach, pushed the realization of blistering pain from his mind as he emptied the entire clip into the daemon's chest where his heart should be, refusing to lower the gun until he watched the life leave the daemon's eyes himself, the body slumping lifelessly against him where it had pinned them, the talons having passed all the way through his body and into the wood behind him.  He finally let the gun slip from his fingers, dropping his hands uselessly to his sides as relief and pain washed over him in equal measures as his eyes met Gabriel's and he confirmed that the archangel was safe.

The last thing he heard as he lost consciousness was a bloodcurdling scream of his name.

 

 

 

*          *          *          *         *

 

 

_Sammy..._

He was in Hell, somehow, he was sure of it.  There was no way Heaven felt this bad.  If it did, he owed his congregation so many apologies for telling them that it was a place they should strive t be good enough to enter.  He couldn't figure out what he could have done to deserve damnation though, unless killing monsters counted as murder.  Or, you know, God actually did have a problem with him being gay, but considering it had been with an archangel, he was pretty sure that wasn't the case.  Not that he was sure of much these days.

_Sammy, c'mon, you have to be alright..._

_He'll be okay, give it time._

_He could be dying for all we know.  Isn't there anything else you can do for him?_

_If we funnel anymore grace into him that we already are, it could overload his system.  A human body isn't meant to contain multiple essences at that volume.  Besides, we're both still healing from the fight as well, we're giving him all we can safely give without hurting ourselves._

_I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed..._

_No, you're worried, I understand._

He knew those voices, he did.  But the memory wouldn't come, his mind still groggy with pain and confusion.  If he was dead, why did everything hurt so much?  Shouldn't the pain have ended after death?  Which brought him back to Hell.  Surely he wasn't in Hell, he'd tried so hard to be a good person, a good priest.

_I swear to God-_

_Dean!_

_Fine, I swear to... Not God, if you don't wake up I'm going to kill you myself from worry!_

So he wasn't dead then. 

His brother was there, had been trying to get him to wake up.  He tried to rouse himself, give a sign he could hear him, but his eyes and limbs felt so heavy, and even the attempt at moving made his spine ache in a way he didn't understand.  It was so tempting to ignore him, even with the panicked threat looming over him that Dean would hurt him if he get better soon, to stay in the misty fog currently surrounding him.  At least when he didn't struggle here it didn't hurt as acutely.

_Please wake up, don't leave me..._

Gabriel.

He was waiting for him.

Gabriel, whom he loved.

Gabriel, who he'd shoved out of the way to protect.

Who he'd shouted at before he almost died and made to feel like he might not love him anymore.

He had to wake up.

"Gabriel..."

"Thank GOD."

"Gabriel!"

"Shove it Castiel."

Sam opened his eyes in time to see Gabriel shoving Castiel off the edge of the bed, Dean punching him in the shoulder before turning to help the angel off the ground.  A second later the golden eyes looked back down at him, a sharp gasp and sob breaking from his throat before he collapsed onto Sam's shoulder and started crying, Dean rushing to his other side to grab his hand.  Castiel perched on the end of his bed, carefully patting his leg through the blankets.

"I thought I'd lost you."  Gabriel said in a small voice, petting his hair. 

"You won't be rid of me that easily."  Sam smiled.

"Good."

"Hello again, boys."  The two angels rounded on the man that had appeared at the end of Sam's bed, both of their arms folding protectively around their respective lovers.  "Hey now, no need for that!"

"Last time we saw you, Balthazar, you'd come to drag us home."  Castiel said in an angry growl.

"Not this time, pets, so calm down.  I come with a message from Father:  You have passed the test of faith.  Enjoy the love that you've found."  He said, giving both angels meaningful looks.  "That was the entire message.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have other work to do."

No one spoke, all staring at the spot where Balthazar had been long after he left.  Finally, Dean let out a sigh, muttering something about winged dickbags and needed a strong drink as he wandered out of the room saying he was getting them all something to eat. 

"Wait, was that a message for us, or for them?"  Gabriel asked, staring in bewilderment at his brother. 

"Maybe... all of us?"

"Regardless, we passed.  Maybe now things can go back to normal."  Sam sighed, smiling softly up at Gabriel.  "That is, of course, if you still want to go back to living with me?"

"I couldn't dream of anything better."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a wild ride, and thank you to everyone who rode it out with me. I know the long hiatus (and the mini one after that, I'm so sorry I always seem to be disappearing out of nowhere...) cut things up, but I hope I at least sort of kept the same tone that I started with. Anyways, I hope you all liked it :) and thanks for sticking with me!


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